I’m not a good mom. My son’s class has two Room Moms. They are young and cute and thin. They are BFFs, and they love to make crafts they find on Pinterest. They chaperone every field trip and organize every holiday party. They make me itchy. I don’t know their names (though they’ve told me [...]
This will come as a shock to no one, but sometimes I can be a little fucked in the head. Nothing too nut-tastic – I’m not sitting naked on my couch in a tin foil hat or screaming about Barack Obama’s birth certificate, or anything – but the typical depression stuff can grab me with [...]
Yesterday the Bean and I went to a carnival. We found it totally by accident, on our way to another event called “Touch a Truck” which was basically just a huge, dusty field lined with big trucks, a partially deflated bouncy house, and a big pile of dirt for kids to fuck around in and [...]
Dear Old Lady Who Thinks She’s the Boss of Me: I don’t know if you know this, but I’m FIVE. And when you turn five, that means YOU get to be the boss and you don’t have to listen to your mom OR your dad, especially when they’re telling you that it’s not “healthy” to [...]
Okay. So. This thing about the breastfeeding. There she is, y’all. The perfect mom. She’s skinny and pretty and her boobs are still perky even, somehow, with a three-year-old kid attached to one. Yep, there she stands – all “HELL YEAH THAT’S MY BOOB, BITCHES” – provocative, defiant, blah blah, while Internet moms falling squarely [...]
From Quiet to Chaos, 2011 Crayon on glass, with drapery overlay Interpretation/Critique: Clearly, the artist was trying to convey a sense of desperation and mayhem as one makes the transition from a quiet, self-reflective night to a day lived outside oneself, bringing all of one’s inner turmoil out into the light for the rest of [...]
So, this post is going to be about three things. All related in one way or another. What the fuck I’ve been doing Groupon’s Plan to Destroy My Life, one major discount at a time Pictures of me in my underwear Feel free to skip unimportant sections at your leisure. ***** 1. What the fuck [...]
So last night I was doing my weekly holy-shit-it’s-Sunday-night-and-none-of-us-have-clean-underwear laundry when an enormous cockroach scurried across the floor and when I say “scurried across the floor” I mean “tried to attack me and eat my face off” and when I say “enormous” that really doesn’t do it justice but I’ve spent the last twenty minutes [...]
So after much deliberation and one absolutely SPECTACULAR summer break, I’ve decided NOT to kill the blog for good but instead to come back with a fiery vengeance. (And by “fiery vengeance,” I mean “maybe I’ll write a post every now and then, if I happen to remember and don’t have anything better to do.” [...]
So over the weekend my friend Big Boobs and I took our kids to Sea World, and there are a lot of things I could say about that but right now all I can think about is how the hell am I going to pay my bills after the HUGE ass-beating my wallet just took [...]
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