Bejewell on December 17th, 2013

First published December 10, 2009. I’m trotting it out again because it still holds true, and also because LOOK AT MY BABY WHO’S NOT A BABY ANYMORE. (SOB) ————— Listen, I love the holidays as much as the next guy, I really do. And I love them even MORE this year, because this year my [...]

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Continue reading about WTF, Dan Fogelberg?

Bejewell on July 16th, 2013

I know that you’re just boys I know you’re only six But if you make my kid cry I will punch you in your dicks.

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Bejewell on July 1st, 2013

A few things: You can’t pretend to be smarter than me and say things like “Accident happens” at the same time. I start to get silly with the pool noodle at right about the same time that I realize I’m losing the argument. We did not have to do the dishes after this.  ”And let [...]

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Bejewell on April 27th, 2013

I’m not a good mom. My son’s class has two Room Moms. They are young and cute and thin. They are BFFs, and they love to make crafts they find on Pinterest. They chaperone every field trip and organize every holiday party. They make me itchy. I don’t know their names (though they’ve told me [...]

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Bejewell on February 28th, 2013

This will come as a shock to no one, but sometimes I can be a little fucked in the head. Nothing too nut-tastic – I’m not sitting naked on my couch in a tin foil hat or screaming about Barack Obama’s birth certificate, or anything – but the typical depression stuff can grab me with [...]

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Continue reading about The Bear and the Bunny

Bejewell on November 4th, 2012

Yesterday the Bean and I went to a carnival. We found it totally by accident, on our way to another event called “Touch a Truck” which was basically just a huge, dusty field lined with big trucks, a partially deflated bouncy house, and a big pile of dirt for kids to fuck around in and [...]

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Bejewell on September 10th, 2012

Dear Old Lady Who Thinks She’s the Boss of Me: I don’t know if you know this, but I’m FIVE. And when you turn five, that means YOU get to be the boss and you don’t have to listen to your mom OR your dad, especially when they’re telling you that it’s not “healthy” to [...]

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Continue reading about The Bean’s New Rules

Bejewell on May 11th, 2012

Okay. So. This thing about the breastfeeding. There she is, y’all. The perfect mom. She’s skinny and pretty and her boobs are still perky even, somehow, with a three-year-old kid attached to one. Yep, there she stands – all “HELL YEAH THAT’S MY BOOB, BITCHES” – provocative, defiant, blah blah, while Internet moms falling squarely [...]

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Bejewell on January 20th, 2012

From Quiet to Chaos, 2011 Crayon on glass, with drapery overlay Interpretation/Critique: Clearly, the artist was trying to convey a sense of desperation and mayhem as one makes the transition from a quiet, self-reflective night to a day lived outside oneself, bringing all of one’s inner turmoil out into the light for the rest of [...]

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Continue reading about The Artist’s Early Work: A Portfolio

Bejewell on November 22nd, 2010

So, this post is going to be about three things.  All related in one way or another. What the fuck I’ve been doing Groupon’s Plan to Destroy My Life, one major discount at a time Pictures of me in my underwear Feel free to skip unimportant sections at your leisure. ***** 1. What the fuck [...]

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