Bejewell on November 16th, 2016

In 1996, Tupac got shot. The Unabomber was arrested. The number one song was the Macarena. Cuba Gooding, Jr., won an Oscar. Prince changed his name to a symbol. And the Big Bean and I got married. *** We are not the same persons this year as last; nor are those we love. It is [...]

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Bejewell on October 20th, 2016

HONEY WAKE UP I NEED YOU Hmrphmrph HONEY WAKE UP RIGHT NOW zzzzz THERE’S A MOUSE GODDAMMIT COME ON [Big Bean pulls covers off my head] YOU HAVE TO HELP ME CATCH THE MOUSE Mmm k gimme a minute NOW, HONEY. GET UP, HONEY Ok ok I’m up whatsa mouse what? THERE’S A FUCKING MOUSE [...]

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Bejewell on June 29th, 2014

The Big Bean is one of my favorite people in the world. He’s a great husband. A wonderful father. A good friend. He works hard to provide for his family. He makes me laugh every day. And last night, he almost killed me with his toenails. For years I’ve joked about his poor foot grooming [...]

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Bejewell on May 7th, 2014

I don’t often do giveaways. In fact, I’ve only done one giveaway on this blog that I can remember, and that was like six years ago when I still had a Blackberry. I gave a $5 gift card to the first person who correctly identified the mysterious booger-like substance I found on my desk. (Correct [...]

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Continue reading about Know Who’ll Love This Giveaway? Your Mom

[Originally posted February, 2010. Re-sharing now because I'm feeling nostalgic.] So my best friend from high school (also known as “Queen Bee“) just sent me a copy of a note that I apparently wrote her from my tenth grade algebra class.  It is both hilarious and horrifying at the same time. I’ve blacked out some [...]

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Bejewell on December 9th, 2013

You drop your clothes onto the floor right next to the hamper And off you go, although you know I’m not a happy camper You bug me when you know I’m stressed and under the deadline gun You start projects ‘round the house and leave them halfway done You’re terrible at giving comfort when I’m [...]

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Bejewell on July 1st, 2013

A few things: You can’t pretend to be smarter than me and say things like “Accident happens” at the same time. I start to get silly with the pool noodle at right about the same time that I realize I’m losing the argument. We did not have to do the dishes after this.  ”And let [...]

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Bejewell on May 23rd, 2013

There’s a cramp in my left leg And a sharp pain in my neck When I get up in the morning I’ll still feel both, I suspect There’s a leg wrapped ‘round my belly Slightly shorter than my own An elbow jabs and pokes and stabs Between my shoulder bones A smallish hand is draped [...]

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Bejewell on November 6th, 2012

How I felt when the election coverage really started gearing up: How I felt when the Republicans picked Mitt Romney as their candidate: What I see every time I look at Donald Trump: How I feel every time Michele Bachmann opens her mouth to say something: How I felt about all my friends on Facebook [...]

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Continue reading about My Feelings About Election 2012, In Cat Pictures

Bejewell on November 6th, 2012

So this week I learned that David Gandy exists. Do you know who David Gandy is? No? Well, let me enlighten you. THIS is David Gandy: Uh, yeah. David Gandy EXISTS, y’all. He exists like a motherfucker. He can exist the hell out of me, anytime he wants. I found him by accident, doing something [...]

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