Bejewell on November 4th, 2012

Yesterday the Bean and I went to a carnival. We found it totally by accident, on our way to another event called “Touch a Truck” which was basically just a huge, dusty field lined with big trucks, a partially deflated bouncy house, and a big pile of dirt for kids to fuck around in and [...]

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Bejewell on June 27th, 2012

Since we first met, we’ve been best of friends Held hands and each other’s hair, time and again We’ve stood, strong and tall, through thick and through thin, and We’re on our periods together. Our husbands and children, all like family, too They love, laugh and bicker just like we used to, but When Auntie [...]

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I originally wrote this a couple of years ago, as a guest post for my friend John at Living With Balls. It remains one of my mom’s favorites, so I’m re-posting it for her. Also, because I’m (semi)determined to keep that promise I made to myself, to post something here once a week — but [...]

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Continue reading about Why I Will Never Be a Professional Sportscaster. Or Geography Teacher. Or Guest Poster.

Jen

Bejewell on March 7th, 2011

This is my friend Jen. Jen is one of my very best friends and has been, on and off, since we were seven. We’ve had big bumps in the road, drifted apart, found each other again and repaired the damage more than once.  The biggest fight I’ve ever had with anyone in public was with [...]

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Bejewell on January 22nd, 2011

So tomorrow is the Big Bean’s birthday and last night we went out for dinner with the BFF and her husband, Mr. Style — because the BFF’s birthday is just 10 days before the Big Bean’s and it’s both entertaining and economical to celebrate the two events together. Okay, the truth is we probably would’ve [...]

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Bejewell on January 14th, 2011

3:15am Deep sleep. I am in heaven. My job does not exist and I spend my days on a beach lounging hand-in-hand with Matt Damon and engaging in something called “couples massage.” Husband watches jealously while collecting dirty towels. 3:30am Feel hot breath on my face.  After a moment, realize this is not the warm, [...]

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Continue reading about At Least My Bangs Are Clean.

Every year for Christmas the BFF gives me the Bag O’Crap. The Bag O’Crap is filled with awesome shit that makes me laugh, like my Buddha Belly Bookends and the sarcastic 8-ball and The Villain’s Guide to Better Living and my Sigmund Freud action figure. And most of it lives on my desk at work [...]

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Continue reading about The BFF, the Bag O’Crap, Cranberry Sauce and My Exceptionally Strong Toenails

So last night after I published this post about search terms I got an email from my midget friend (a.k.a. My Second or Possibly Third Husband) and he was all, “What, no midget searches? There were a ton of midget searches on your last post about keywords” and I was all, “Gee, I guess nobody’s [...]

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Love,

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Continue reading about Guess What the Big Bean’s Getting for Father’s Day?

So I have this friend with a birthday coming up and I didn’t really know what to get him so I went to Amazon.com because they have, like, EVERYTHING IN THE WORLD THAT HAS EVER BEEN CREATED SINCE THE DAWN OF TIME but it turns out, it’s kind of hard to sort through EVERYTHING IN [...]

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Continue reading about I’m Reasonably Sure the Weiner-Shaped Bubble Gum Shipment Was Just a Happy Accident