You want to merge? Why yes, of course. Here, let me just ease back. Why don’t you merge? Can you not see There’s room now on the track? Okay, I guess You’ve changed your mind And want to come in from behind So I speed up But you do, too… And CUT in the goddamned [...]
The endless cycle of Beej’s hair: grow out, get bored, cut, cry, grow out, get bored, cut, cry, and so on A “party” where you are expected to buy shit is NOT a party. It is a SALE. Hiding Out and Soul Man: Proof that both racism and statutory rape were a lot funnier in the [...]
Welcome home, little plant I hope happiness fills you In the short time you’re here Before my black thumb kills you.
How I felt when the election coverage really started gearing up: How I felt when the Republicans picked Mitt Romney as their candidate: What I see every time I look at Donald Trump: How I feel every time Michele Bachmann opens her mouth to say something: How I felt about all my friends on Facebook [...]
Continue reading about My Feelings About Election 2012, In Cat Pictures
Curling gel Curling mousse Curling spray Curling irons Any product that says “Guaranteed to make your straight hair curly!” Hot rollers Twisty rollers Diffusers Diffusers with gel Diffusers with mousse Diffusers with root lifter Diffusers with thickening cream Leave-in curling conditioner Hot water Cold water Salt water Bobby pins That stupid sock idea Any instructions [...]
Continue reading about Things that Do NOT Make Naturally Straight Hair into Cute and Curly Hair
I originally wrote this a couple of years ago, as a guest post for my friend John at Living With Balls. It remains one of my mom’s favorites, so I’m re-posting it for her. Also, because I’m (semi)determined to keep that promise I made to myself, to post something here once a week — but [...]
It started as a little pile A little pile, of dirty style To wash it would just take a while A very short, short while. But my life was busy, so I let it grow, even though I needed clean and folded clothes I really let it go. The family just kept adding more The [...]
IF YOU… I WILL… Hold the door open for me… Thank you profusely. Do NOT hold the door open for me… Thank you anyway, with dripping sarcasm. Tell me what to do… Take great pleasure in doing exactly the opposite of whatever you just said. Tell me I can’t do something… Prove you wrong. Cut [...]
One of the things they don’t tell you before you have a kid is how your television will ultimately become an indispensible lifeline while simultaneously destroying all your values and everything you hold dear. Nickelodeon will eat your soul, then barf it up and leave it on the floor so later when you walk into [...]
