Bejewell on December 12th, 2012

The endless cycle of Beej’s hair: grow out, get bored, cut, cry, grow out, get bored, cut, cry, and so on A “party” where you are expected to buy shit is NOT a party. It is a SALE. Hiding Out and Soul Man: Proof that both racism and statutory rape were a lot funnier in the [...]

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Continue reading about Recently Rejected Blog Post Topics

Bejewell on November 1st, 2012

I just had a really terrible, stupid idea. And then I followed through with it, so now it’s more than just a terrible stupid idea, it’s an actual terrible, stupid thing I did. If you’ve never had a blog you won’t understand how sinister that picture is up there, but trust me when I tell [...]

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Continue reading about A Really Terrible, Stupid Idea

I originally wrote this a couple of years ago, as a guest post for my friend John at Living With Balls. It remains one of my mom’s favorites, so I’m re-posting it for her. Also, because I’m (semi)determined to keep that promise I made to myself, to post something here once a week — but [...]

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Continue reading about Why I Will Never Be a Professional Sportscaster. Or Geography Teacher. Or Guest Poster.

Bejewell on April 5th, 2012

Suddenly today I feel like I should write something here. Probably because it’s been like three months since I wrote anything on this stupid blog (unless you count that time last month when I told the Jesus pamphlet people to suck it) (which I don’t and probably nobody else does, either), but it also could [...]

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Continue reading about Scabs.

Each one of the terms below has been used to find my blog in recent weeks, through Google or another search engine. I have categorized them for your easy reference. You’re welcome. Before you browse, though, let me just clarify: EACH OF THESE WAS, AT SOME POINT, TYPED INTO A SEARCH ENGINE BY A HUMAN [...]

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Continue reading about Latest Search Terms: Weiners, Midgets, Missing Forks and That Bitch Karen

Bejewell on July 31st, 2011
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Continue reading about So You Think You Can Break?

Bejewell on June 14th, 2011

So every now and then I remember that I have a blog and that realization is usually accompanied by this: Followed by this: Followed by this: But after I wake up and watch a few more reruns of Buffy the Vampire Slayer, I really start to panic because most of the time I have absolutely [...]

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Continue reading about Oh Yeah, that Blogging Thing

So someone who clearly has no real grasp of social media in Texas nominated me for the Austin American-Statesman‘s Texas Social Media Award, which is SO prestigious that I had never heard of it until I checked my blog stats last night and saw that someone from the Statesman had been here so of course [...]

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Continue reading about Social media people love me. Or want to sacrifice me to the zombies. Whatever.

Bejewell on November 22nd, 2010

So, this post is going to be about three things.  All related in one way or another. What the fuck I’ve been doing Groupon’s Plan to Destroy My Life, one major discount at a time Pictures of me in my underwear Feel free to skip unimportant sections at your leisure. ***** 1. What the fuck [...]

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Bejewell on August 25th, 2010
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Continue reading about Dear Midget Friend: I Hope You’re Happy