Summer Break Continues: Fly Fishing Sucks

Continue reading about Summer Break Continues: Fly Fishing Sucks

Please stop. Sincerely,

Continue reading about A Note to the Lady Who’s My “Friend” on Facebook Even Though I’m Not Exactly Sure How We Know Each Other but I Don’t Want to “Unfriend” You Because You Could Be a Serial Killer for All I Know and I Don’t Think “Unfriending” a Serial Killer Is a Very Good Idea because I’m not a Serial Killer but I STILL Wanted to Punch that One Guy in the Balls When He “Unfriended” Me that One Time, so I Can Only Imagine What a Serial Killer Like You Would Want to Do to Me if I “Unfriended” You, Especially if It Turns Out that We Were Really Good Friends at Some Point but I Forgot Because My Memory is Shot After Years of Recreational Drug Use, or Possibly Because I’m Just SO Smart that My Brain Has Started to Purge All Unnecessary Information to Make Room for the Really Important Stuff like the Facts that (1) Humans and Hyenas Are the Only Carnivorous Mammals without a Penis Bone and (2) All Polar Bears Are Left-Handed, so I’m Still Your “Friend” Even Though I Don’t Know You but You Keep Sending Me All These Helpful “Suggestions” to Join Facebook Groups and Telling Me I Should Become a “Fan” of Shit I Have Absolutely No Interest In and the Whole Thing is Just Really Pissing Me Off and *Almost* Makes Me Want to “Unfriend” You Anyway and Just Take My Chances that You’ll Come After Me with Some Kind of Weapon (but I’m Really Hoping You’ll Just Poison Me Instead Because I Read Somewhere Once that Female Serial Killers Are Much More Likely to Use Poison than Any Other Method of Murder and that Seems Like It Would be Preferable to Getting Stabbed or Shot but then Again What If It’s a Poison that Makes You Suffer Horrible Abdominal Pain or Fart Blood or Something Before You Die, then I Think I Would Rather Just Get Stabbed, If It’s All the Same to You)

I don’t like to touch matters of religion or politics on this blog too often, mostly because I’m very comfortable with my own feelings on those subjects and don’t feel any particular need to share them with anyone else, but also partly because lately, when it comes to religion and politics, everyone’s an asshole.  I [...]

Continue reading about Jesus Wouldn’t Know What To Do With a Hot Glue Gun, Anyway

This my weiner dog, Napoleon. Napoleon is awesome. Napoleon loves my little Bean. AND my Big Bean. He loves swimming. And camping. And catching food in the air. Yep.  Napoleon is awesome.  He’s part of the family. THIS is Napoleon’s doggie door. THIS is Napoleon’s favorite place to pee. foot of bed And THIS is [...]

Continue reading about A Weiner Dog’s Life, in Pictures.

IKEA: Hi there! Can I help you? ME:  Yes! Finally!  I’ve been walking around this store for half an hour and I’m completely turned around. I’ve never seen so many secret passages. It’s like the house from Clue.  I keep looking for Mrs. Peacock, but she’s probably in the men’s room.  har har Get it? *snort* [...]

Continue reading about Switzerlandish People Don’t Use Forks. Tell Your Friends.

     The actual lyrics to this song, as performed by Golden Earring:  Somewhere in a lonely hotel room there’s a guy starting to realize that eternal fate has turned its back on him. It’s 2AM. It’s two a.m., the fear has gone I’m sitting here waitin’ the gun still warm Maybe my connection is [...]

Continue reading about The Twilight Zone

So is it just me, or is this Baby New Year thing totally disturbing?  I didn’t even know what Baby New Year was until I saw the Holiday Sweater Lady in her huge blue sweater today, with a baby taking up like half her chest in its top hat and beauty pagent sash, and I was all, “Why [...]

Continue reading about Baby New Year: Somebody Call Child Protective Services

MEMORANDUM To:  All Employees From:  Management Re: Holiday Safety and Behavior Guidelines Dear Employees: As we all know, the holiday season is upon us, and while we encourage you all to participate in the office potluck and gift exchange, we have noticed some disturbing trends over years past and need to reiterate some common-sense guidelines [...]

Continue reading about The Holiday Memorandum

I took the Bean to the cowboy store the other day because Halloween’s coming up and I see that as a GREAT opportunity to get my kid into some chaps.  And it was funny and funny things happened there, and when I say funny I mean HOLYSHITBALLS you want $75 for a pair of toddler-sized CHAPS? HA HA THAT [...]

Continue reading about There’s No Such Thing as Assless Chaps

So I was reading this BlogHer article today about this big blog movement that’s got a bunch of bloggers’ panties all twisted in knots and stirred up some big debate about product reviews and press releases and giveaways and PR people and blog integrity and all kinds of other shit that doesn’t affect me at [...]

Continue reading about Product Reviews: Bejewell Style