Bejewell on August 25th, 2010
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Continue reading about Dear Midget Friend: I Hope You’re Happy

So last night after I published this post about search terms I got an email from my midget friend (a.k.a. My Second or Possibly Third Husband) and he was all, “What, no midget searches? There were a ton of midget searches on your last post about keywords” and I was all, “Gee, I guess nobody’s [...]

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Continue reading about I Can’t Think of a Good Title for This Post so Let’s Just Call it “MIDGETS”

So someone found my blog today using the search term “why does my ass smell like cheetos” and it made me realize that it’s been a while since I reviewed my blog search terms.  I may have been on summer break, but that doesn’t mean I haven’t been keeping tabs on the search terms people [...]

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Continue reading about I’m Really Sorry But I Actually Have No Idea Why Your Ass Smells Like Cheetos

Bejewell on August 12th, 2010

So after much deliberation and one absolutely SPECTACULAR summer break, I’ve decided NOT to kill the blog for good but instead to come back with a fiery vengeance.  (And by “fiery vengeance,” I mean “maybe I’ll write a post every now and then, if I happen to remember and don’t have anything better to do.”  [...]

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Continue reading about Come On, You Know You Missed Me

Bejewell on July 2nd, 2010
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Continue reading about The Bean’s Summer Break: Happy 4th!

Bejewell on March 25th, 2010

These are some of the search terms people have used to find my blog in the past few months.  I could go on for pages and pages about how awesome and totally fucked up these people are, but honestly, I think it’s better to just let them speak for themselves.  I have grouped them into [...]

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Continue reading about Keyword (Some of You Really Need Some Serious) Analysis

Bejewell on December 23rd, 2009

Mid-November JETT SUPERIOR:  Hey, people on Twitter!  Wanna do an ornament exchange?  It’ll be FUN!  I’ll organize it and everything, all you have to do is buy ONE ornament and send it to the person I pair you with.  Okay? Wanna? ME:  Oh, Jett Superior, I love you so much, you’re like my favorite blogger [...]

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Continue reading about The Ornament Exchange (Alternate Title: I Suck)

OH MY GOD I AM SO THIRSTY.  I’ve been on the couch all day eating pretzels and watching TV and playing on my computer (NOT PORN, YOU PERVS) and I need more Diet Coke but I haven’t gotten up for it because that involves me, well, getting up, and this is my day off so FUCK [...]

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Continue reading about Almost Dying of Thirst Will Make You Say and Do Crazy Things (Updated Title: Don’t Ask a Midget to Marry You Unless You Really Mean It)

I’d planned to pull something out of my ass write a real post today but this is pretty much my last day to pretend to get my shit together before I have to do a bunch of unnecessary work created for me by the assholes who decided to schedule birthday parties and company picnics and [...]

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Continue reading about I Kind of Hate This Post and You Probably Will Too but You Should Read It Anyway Because I Need the Traffic

So today is my first day back at work after being out for two days because I was overcome with a death-like kind of illness that I can only assume was consumption.  It mostly consisted of me throwing up a lot and feeling like I was going to throw up when I wasn’t actually throwing [...]

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Continue reading about I Have Consumption But I Still Care Enough to Warn You About Bears and Whatever-the-Plural-Form-is-of-Bigfoot