So. Y’all. (And by “y’all,” I mean the three people likely to read this, two of whom got here by searching for midget porn and that one pervy guy in Denver who keeps downloading the picture of the slutty girls.) Let’s talk. *** This blog. It sucks. I know. I don’t even think you can [...]

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Bejewell on December 22nd, 2014

Today is December 22nd or, as I know it, The Day That Amazon Prime Officially Owns All Our Asses. If you’re a lazy, disorganized fuck like me and now find yourself a slave to the corporate 2-Day Shipping gods, today is your last day to serve your Lord and Master and get that shit here [...]

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Bejewell on March 14th, 2014

Today is National Pi Day. Pi is a really really long number that has something to with circles. It’s important for a lot of big reasons that a lot of very smart people understand. On Pi Day they get super excited and talk about it a lot. And that’s everything I know about Pi. In [...]

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Bejewell on February 23rd, 2014

There’s this little book I wrote called Something Smells Like Pee It’s filled with witty poems and a sketch or two or three Now it’s published and for sale and what I’d like to see Are great reviews and many, many checks of royalty I’m out here hawking it to all my friends and family [...]

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Bejewell on February 19th, 2014

So, I did this thing where I spent 27 years* writing a book and now that it’s done I fucking hate it. I mean, I don’t actually hate the book itself – That would be ridiculous! It’s an awesome book! – but I DO hate that I spent 36 years* working on it and now [...]

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Bejewell on January 23rd, 2013

A few months ago I applied for a job and got a call back. It was an okay job. Not perfect, not great – but 2012 had really punched me in the nads and I desperately needed the work, so in true Beej fashion I overlooked every negative and convinced myself that this was the [...]

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Bejewell on November 4th, 2012

Yesterday the Bean and I went to a carnival. We found it totally by accident, on our way to another event called “Touch a Truck” which was basically just a huge, dusty field lined with big trucks, a partially deflated bouncy house, and a big pile of dirt for kids to fuck around in and [...]

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Bejewell on October 17th, 2012

Disclaimer: The title of this post is “How I Spent Three Hours Looking at Fake Vaginas.” I called it that because I actually DID look at fake vaginas, and then I wrote about it. Here. In this post. There are also pictures of fake vaginas. Here. In this post. If you don’t want to see [...]

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Bejewell on July 31st, 2011
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Bejewell on April 30th, 2011

Hi. If you’re here because you saw me speak today as part of Listen To Your Mother and now you’re looking for more cute, silly little poems with no cursing… um… well… yeah. You’re pretty much fucked. I DO write those on occasion — in fact, you can find one of the poems I read [...]

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