Bejewell on December 17th, 2013

First published December 10, 2009. I’m trotting it out again because it still holds true, and also because LOOK AT MY BABY WHO’S NOT A BABY ANYMORE. (SOB) ————— Listen, I love the holidays as much as the next guy, I really do. And I love them even MORE this year, because this year my [...]

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Continue reading about WTF, Dan Fogelberg?

Bejewell on April 27th, 2013

I’m not a good mom. My son’s class has two Room Moms. They are young and cute and thin. They are BFFs, and they love to make crafts they find on Pinterest. They chaperone every field trip and organize every holiday party. They make me itchy. I don’t know their names (though they’ve told me [...]

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Bejewell on February 28th, 2013

This will come as a shock to no one, but sometimes I can be a little fucked in the head. Nothing too nut-tastic – I’m not sitting naked on my couch in a tin foil hat or screaming about Barack Obama’s birth certificate, or anything – but the typical depression stuff can grab me with [...]

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Continue reading about The Bear and the Bunny

Bejewell on November 4th, 2012

Yesterday the Bean and I went to a carnival. We found it totally by accident, on our way to another event called “Touch a Truck” which was basically just a huge, dusty field lined with big trucks, a partially deflated bouncy house, and a big pile of dirt for kids to fuck around in and [...]

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Bejewell on September 10th, 2012

Dear Old Lady Who Thinks She’s the Boss of Me: I don’t know if you know this, but I’m FIVE. And when you turn five, that means YOU get to be the boss and you don’t have to listen to your mom OR your dad, especially when they’re telling you that it’s not “healthy” to [...]

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Bejewell on May 11th, 2012

Okay. So. This thing about the breastfeeding. There she is, y’all. The perfect mom. She’s skinny and pretty and her boobs are still perky even, somehow, with a three-year-old kid attached to one. Yep, there she stands – all “HELL YEAH THAT’S MY BOOB, BITCHES” – provocative, defiant, blah blah, while Internet moms falling squarely [...]

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Bejewell on January 20th, 2012

From Quiet to Chaos, 2011 Crayon on glass, with drapery overlay Interpretation/Critique: Clearly, the artist was trying to convey a sense of desperation and mayhem as one makes the transition from a quiet, self-reflective night to a day lived outside oneself, bringing all of one’s inner turmoil out into the light for the rest of [...]

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Continue reading about The Artist’s Early Work: A Portfolio

Bejewell on January 1st, 2012

It started as a little pile A little pile, of dirty style To wash it would just take a while A very short, short while. But my life was busy, so I let it grow, even though I needed clean and folded clothes I really let it go. The family just kept adding more The [...]

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Continue reading about Death By Laundry

So there’s this new show on HBO about royal families in some kind of weird medieval fantasy world, I forget what it’s called but it’s got a horny dwarf who whores his way around the countryside and another guy who likes giving the meat to his twin sister, which is just ALL KINDS of ick [...]

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Continue reading about Midgets, Incest and Pony Play – Just Another Run of the Mill Blog Post Here at The Bean

Bejewell on February 14th, 2011

Traffic My hair Shitty Grammy Award recaps Valentine’s Day This fucking dog The number of people who keep telling me how “underrated” my blog is Twitter People who ignore me on Twitter Facebook People who ignore me on Facebook Sugar highs Sugar lows THE FUCKING CHEERFUL HOLIDAY SWEATER LADY Overpriced bowling alleys Lady Antebellum Bruno [...]

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