I’m trying to understand why every person in the world* loves Downton Abbey so much but so far I’m drawing a blank. I suppose I’d get some insight if I actually WATCHED Downton Abbey, but what I’m finding is that the more people try to make me feel like a stupid asshole for NOT watching [...]
How I felt when the election coverage really started gearing up: How I felt when the Republicans picked Mitt Romney as their candidate: What I see every time I look at Donald Trump: How I feel every time Michele Bachmann opens her mouth to say something: How I felt about all my friends on Facebook [...]
Continue reading about My Feelings About Election 2012, In Cat Pictures
Disclaimer: The title of this post is “How I Spent Three Hours Looking at Fake Vaginas.” I called it that because I actually DID look at fake vaginas, and then I wrote about it. Here. In this post. There are also pictures of fake vaginas. Here. In this post. If you don’t want to see [...]
Continue reading about How I Spent Three Hours Looking at Fake Vaginas
Okay. So. This thing about the breastfeeding. There she is, y’all. The perfect mom. She’s skinny and pretty and her boobs are still perky even, somehow, with a three-year-old kid attached to one. Yep, there she stands – all “HELL YEAH THAT’S MY BOOB, BITCHES” – provocative, defiant, blah blah, while Internet moms falling squarely [...]
*** 1. Very carefully. 2. Through those glasses with the tiny holes in them that you wear when there’s an eclipse. 3. On TiVO. 4. Like a boss. 4. Via proxy server, so it’s anonymous. (Sometimes I leave a tacky comment, too.) 5.Like rain, on my wedding day. 6. Like a free ride, when I’m [...]
If you’re currently growing out your facial hair and considering the Full Beard + No Mustache option — but you’re unsure if this is the right look for you — please ask yourself the following questions: 1. Are you Amish? 2. Are you Abraham Lincoln? 3. Are you a leprechaun? 4. Are you Uncle Sam? [...]
So I’m pretty sure the first thing you thought when you woke up this morning was, “Gee, I sure wish there was a way I could see some photos of Beej in her underwear sometime before lunch. That would really make my day complete.” Well, lucky for you, I’m here to make that happen! Because [...]
So, this post is going to be about three things. All related in one way or another. What the fuck I’ve been doing Groupon’s Plan to Destroy My Life, one major discount at a time Pictures of me in my underwear Feel free to skip unimportant sections at your leisure. ***** 1. What the fuck [...]
So last night after I published this post about search terms I got an email from my midget friend (a.k.a. My Second or Possibly Third Husband) and he was all, “What, no midget searches? There were a ton of midget searches on your last post about keywords” and I was all, “Gee, I guess nobody’s [...]
Continue reading about I Can’t Think of a Good Title for This Post so Let’s Just Call it “MIDGETS”
Dear Sprint: The Big Bean and I have been customers of yours for like ten years and that’s mostly because we’re lazy but for the purposes of this conversation let’s call it “customer loyalty.” Over that time we’ve been through lots of phones and talked to you a lot on those phones for help with [...]
