Bejewell on December 17th, 2013

First published December 10, 2009. I’m trotting it out again because it still holds true, and also because LOOK AT MY BABY WHO’S NOT A BABY ANYMORE. (SOB) ————— Listen, I love the holidays as much as the next guy, I really do. And I love them even MORE this year, because this year my [...]

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Continue reading about WTF, Dan Fogelberg?

I’m trying to understand why every person in the world* loves Downton Abbey so much but so far I’m drawing a blank. I suppose I’d get some insight if I actually WATCHED Downton Abbey, but what I’m finding is that the more people try to make me feel like a stupid asshole for NOT watching [...]

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Continue reading about The More People Try to Make Me Watch Downton Abbey the Less I Want to Watch Downton Abbey

Bejewell on November 6th, 2012

How I felt when the election coverage really started gearing up: How I felt when the Republicans picked Mitt Romney as their candidate: What I see every time I look at Donald Trump: How I feel every time Michele Bachmann opens her mouth to say something: How I felt about all my friends on Facebook [...]

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Continue reading about My Feelings About Election 2012, In Cat Pictures

Bejewell on October 17th, 2012

Disclaimer: The title of this post is “How I Spent Three Hours Looking at Fake Vaginas.” I called it that because I actually DID look at fake vaginas, and then I wrote about it. Here. In this post. There are also pictures of fake vaginas. Here. In this post. If you don’t want to see [...]

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Bejewell on May 11th, 2012

Okay. So. This thing about the breastfeeding. There she is, y’all. The perfect mom. She’s skinny and pretty and her boobs are still perky even, somehow, with a three-year-old kid attached to one. Yep, there she stands – all “HELL YEAH THAT’S MY BOOB, BITCHES” – provocative, defiant, blah blah, while Internet moms falling squarely [...]

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Continue reading about All This Talk About Boobs.

*** 1. Very carefully. 2. Through those glasses with the tiny holes in them that you wear when there’s an eclipse. 3. On TiVO. 4. Like a boss. 4. Via proxy server, so it’s anonymous. (Sometimes I leave a tacky comment, too.) 5.Like rain, on my wedding day. 6. Like a free ride, when I’m [...]

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Continue reading about Possible Answers for the Person Who Keeps Leaving This Stupid Pamphlet on My Door

Bejewell on March 2nd, 2011

If you’re currently growing out your facial hair and considering the Full Beard + No Mustache option — but you’re unsure if this is the right look for you — please ask yourself the following questions: 1.  Are you Amish? 2. Are you Abraham Lincoln? 3. Are you a leprechaun? 4. Are you Uncle Sam? [...]

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Continue reading about The Cosmo Quiz: Facial Hair Edition

Bejewell on November 24th, 2010

So I’m pretty sure the first thing you thought when you woke up this morning was, “Gee, I sure wish there was a way I could see some photos of Beej in her underwear sometime before lunch. That would really make my day complete.” Well, lucky for you, I’m here to make that happen! Because [...]

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Continue reading about Me and My Underwear

Bejewell on November 22nd, 2010

So, this post is going to be about three things.  All related in one way or another. What the fuck I’ve been doing Groupon’s Plan to Destroy My Life, one major discount at a time Pictures of me in my underwear Feel free to skip unimportant sections at your leisure. ***** 1. What the fuck [...]

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Continue reading about Three Things

So last night after I published this post about search terms I got an email from my midget friend (a.k.a. My Second or Possibly Third Husband) and he was all, “What, no midget searches? There were a ton of midget searches on your last post about keywords” and I was all, “Gee, I guess nobody’s [...]

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Continue reading about I Can’t Think of a Good Title for This Post so Let’s Just Call it “MIDGETS”