So last night after I published this post about search terms I got an email from my midget friend (a.k.a. My Second or Possibly Third Husband) and he was all, “What, no midget searches? There were a ton of midget searches on your last post about keywords” and I was all, “Gee, I guess nobody’s [...]
Continue reading about I Can’t Think of a Good Title for This Post so Let’s Just Call it “MIDGETS”
Dear Sprint: The Big Bean and I have been customers of yours for like ten years and that’s mostly because we’re lazy but for the purposes of this conversation let’s call it “customer loyalty.” Over that time we’ve been through lots of phones and talked to you a lot on those phones for help with [...]
Listen, I love the holidays as much as the next guy, I really do. And I love them even MORE this year, because this year my little Bean is discovering Christmas for the first time, with the trees and the tinsel and the gifts and the stockings, and we’re suddenly VERY concerned about our status [...]
OH MY GOD I AM SO THIRSTY. I’ve been on the couch all day eating pretzels and watching TV and playing on my computer (NOT PORN, YOU PERVS) and I need more Diet Coke but I haven’t gotten up for it because that involves me, well, getting up, and this is my day off so FUCK [...]
I’d planned to pull something out of my ass write a real post today but this is pretty much my last day to pretend to get my shit together before I have to do a bunch of unnecessary work created for me by the assholes who decided to schedule birthday parties and company picnics and [...]
I took the Bean to the cowboy store the other day because Halloween’s coming up and I see that as a GREAT opportunity to get my kid into some chaps. And it was funny and funny things happened there, and when I say funny I mean HOLYSHITBALLS you want $75 for a pair of toddler-sized CHAPS? HA HA THAT [...]
Continue reading about There’s No Such Thing as Assless Chaps
So I was reading this BlogHer article today about this big blog movement that’s got a bunch of bloggers’ panties all twisted in knots and stirred up some big debate about product reviews and press releases and giveaways and PR people and blog integrity and all kinds of other shit that doesn’t affect me at [...]
So a couple of weeks ago I went to Albuquerque, and before I left I wrote this kick-ass post about how I hated Albuquerque because it looks dusty on TV and is also hard to spell. And that post was hilarious and brilliant and wonderful and I fully expected it to win multiple awards and [...]
Continue reading about I don’t know shit about anything. Apparently.
So I might have mentioned this before, but I sunburn VERY EASILY. Because my skin is naturally the same color as those albino alligators you see sometimes on the Discovery Channel. Or rancid milk just after it hits the chunky stage. Or maybe one of those Twilight vampires but not as pretty or sparkly or vampiry. Basically, [...]
THEORY: Baked Cheetos were sent to us by God to make up for all the fucked up shit he’s done to us, like tsunamis and droughts and credit card companies and cowlicks and paper cuts and racists and rush hour traffic and Amway and puppy mills and people who are really really unnecessarily perky and that Sanjaya kid [...]
