Bejewell on April 24th, 2014

IF YOU… I WILL… Hold the door open for me Thank you profusely Do NOT hold the door open for me Thank you anyway, with dripping sarcasm Tell me what to do Take great pleasure in doing exactly the opposite of whatever you just said Tell me I can’t do something Prove you wrong Cut [...]

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Bejewell on February 28th, 2013

This will come as a shock to no one, but sometimes I can be a little fucked in the head. Nothing too nut-tastic – I’m not sitting naked on my couch in a tin foil hat or screaming about Barack Obama’s birth certificate, or anything – but the typical depression stuff can grab me with [...]

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Bejewell on January 23rd, 2013

A few months ago I applied for a job and got a call back. It was an okay job. Not perfect, not great – but 2012 had really punched me in the nads and I desperately needed the work, so in true Beej fashion I overlooked every negative and convinced myself that this was the [...]

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Bejewell on December 12th, 2012

The endless cycle of Beej’s hair: grow out, get bored, cut, cry, grow out, get bored, cut, cry, and so on A “party” where you are expected to buy shit is NOT a party. It is a SALE. Hiding Out and Soul Man: Proof that both racism and statutory rape were a lot funnier in the [...]

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Bejewell on November 4th, 2012

Yesterday the Bean and I went to a carnival. We found it totally by accident, on our way to another event called “Touch a Truck” which was basically just a huge, dusty field lined with big trucks, a partially deflated bouncy house, and a big pile of dirt for kids to fuck around in and [...]

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Bejewell on November 3rd, 2012

ME: Are you ready for some amazing news? BIG BEAN: Oh, lord. ME: No, really. This is fucking AMAZING. BIG BEAN: Here we go. ME: Wells Fargo has this new thing where you can take a PICTURE of a CHECK and send it in to deposit it!! You don’t even have to go to the [...]

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Bejewell on November 1st, 2012

I just had a really terrible, stupid idea. And then I followed through with it, so now it’s more than just a terrible stupid idea, it’s an actual terrible, stupid thing I did. If you’ve never had a blog you won’t understand how sinister that picture is up there, but trust me when I tell [...]

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Bejewell on October 17th, 2012

Disclaimer: The title of this post is “How I Spent Three Hours Looking at Fake Vaginas.” I called it that because I actually DID look at fake vaginas, and then I wrote about it. Here. In this post. There are also pictures of fake vaginas. Here. In this post. If you don’t want to see [...]

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Curling gel Curling mousse Curling spray Curling irons Any product that says “Guaranteed to make your straight hair curly!” Hot rollers Twisty rollers Diffusers Diffusers with gel Diffusers with mousse Diffusers with root lifter Diffusers with thickening cream Leave-in curling conditioner Hot water Cold water Salt water Bobby pins That stupid sock idea Any instructions [...]

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Bejewell on June 27th, 2012

Since we first met, we’ve been best of friends Held hands and each other’s hair, time and again We’ve stood, strong and tall, through thick and through thin, and We’re on our periods together. Our husbands and children, all like family, too They love, laugh and bicker just like we used to, but When Auntie [...]

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