So last night I was doing my weekly holy-shit-it’s-Sunday-night-and-none-of-us-have-clean-underwear laundry when an enormous cockroach scurried across the floor and when I say “scurried across the floor” I mean “tried to attack me and eat my face off” and when I say “enormous” that really doesn’t do it justice but I’ve spent the last twenty minutes [...]
The Bean is officially on Summer Break. But don’t give up on me just yet. Keep checking back all summer and follow my little bean on one seriously nutty vacation… or find other weird, silly, ridiculous bullshit that I just can’t stop myself from posting because I’m, well… ME. No regular posts are planned, but [...]
So tonight I went to an open house for a local spa/salon which sounds really fancy but in reality was just kind of awkward. At least it WAS until the BFF and I found the wine. Then it was just awkward for the other people around us. Ask Lotus. She was there. I’m sure she’d [...]
Today I saw the most magnificent puffy grey mullet I’ve ever seen and I tried to get a photo of it with my camera phone but I was in a school zone and had to stop at a crosswalk because some stupid kid got in my way. So all I got was this: And I’m [...]
Continue reading about Probably the Most Patriotic Post You Will Ever Read.
So last week the Big Bean and I made a list of things that we want to do to fix up the house and also have fun this spring/summer and it turns out our list is about 150 items long and is going to cost us at least one million dollars. After we added it [...]
Continue reading about It’s Just Amazing I Haven’t Been Snatched Up as Somebody’s Life Coach Already
So today I had lunch with a bunch of people that I went to school with a thousand years ago and one of those people was my friend Paula, who has new boobs. Paula is awesome despite the fact that she was a willing participant in the Duran Duran Fan Club that kicked me out [...]
Dear Sprint: The Big Bean and I have been customers of yours for like ten years and that’s mostly because we’re lazy but for the purposes of this conversation let’s call it “customer loyalty.” Over that time we’ve been through lots of phones and talked to you a lot on those phones for help with [...]
