I wash my hair I wash my face I wash my body all over the place And when I reach that one spot, there… There’s always a glob of hair. As the shampoo rinses From each long tress Some falls from my head in a graceful mess I don’t notice it trail right down my [...]
OHMYGOD would you STOP with the coughing, already? All you do is cough cough cough and it’s so loud I can’t hear my stories!!! And when you finally catch your breath you just complain about your stupid tuberculosis or Acute Respiratory Distress Syndrome or whatever. It’s like you don’t even care about ME at all. [...]
This will come as a shock to no one, but sometimes I can be a little fucked in the head. Nothing too nut-tastic – I’m not sitting naked on my couch in a tin foil hat or screaming about Barack Obama’s birth certificate, or anything – but the typical depression stuff can grab me with [...]
I’m trying to understand why every person in the world* loves Downton Abbey so much but so far I’m drawing a blank. I suppose I’d get some insight if I actually WATCHED Downton Abbey, but what I’m finding is that the more people try to make me feel like a stupid asshole for NOT watching [...]
A few months ago I applied for a job and got a call back. It was an okay job. Not perfect, not great – but 2012 had really punched me in the nads and I desperately needed the work, so in true Beej fashion I overlooked every possible negative, convinced myself this was the ABSOLUTE [...]
Continue reading about On Beej’s Total Inability to Accept Rejection
The endless cycle of Beej’s hair: grow out, get bored, cut, cry, grow out, get bored, cut, cry, and so on A “party” where you are expected to buy shit is NOT a party. It is a SALE. Hiding Out and Soul Man: Proof that both racism and statutory rape were a lot funnier in the [...]
He’s sexy and sparkly and a girl’s true desire. So what if he’s an old, dead vampire? It didn’t stop Bella from lighting his fire… But still. Shut the fuck up about Twilight. I get it — this story’s the stuff made of dreams. Panties cream, from old moms to young teens. But these books [...]
Disclaimer: The title of this post is “How I Spent Three Hours Looking at Fake Vaginas.” I called it that because I actually DID look at fake vaginas, and then I wrote about it. Here. In this post. There are also pictures of fake vaginas. Here. In this post. If you don’t want to see [...]
Continue reading about How I Spent Three Hours Looking at Fake Vaginas
Curling gel Curling mousse Curling spray Curling irons Any product that says “Guaranteed to make your straight hair curly!” Hot rollers Twisty rollers Diffusers Diffusers with gel Diffusers with mousse Diffusers with root lifter Diffusers with thickening cream Leave-in curling conditioner Hot water Cold water Salt water Bobby pins That stupid sock idea Any instructions [...]
Continue reading about Things that Do NOT Make Naturally Straight Hair into Cute and Curly Hair
