Sometimes water falls from the sky. This is called rain. It is not something that should scare you. It is just a part of nature.
(It’s true, we haven’t seen much rain here in Austin over the past year. Some of you may have forgotten what it is. Just rest assured that it is totally safe and not a sign of the apocalypse. At least, not as far as I know. If frogs begin falling from the sky instead of water, THEN you can worry.)
If you happen to be driving when the natural phenomenon of rain occurs, the appropriate response is to slow down and become more aware of your surroundings.
It is incorrect to SPEED UP when the mysterious water begins falling from the sky. The faster you drive in response to this water, the more likely you are to hit someone else’s car with your own. It is a simple fact that cars become less maneuverable when they are driven on slick roads, and driving faster greatly increases your risk of hitting someone else’s car with your own. This fact HAS been scientifically proven.
Weaving through traffic and changing lanes haphazardly are also inappropriate responses to the falling water from the sky. The appearance of water on the roads makes them slick, and the more you weave through traffic the more likely you are to skid or hydroplane or otherwise lose control of your vehicle, thus striking another car with your own.
It is also NOT appropriate to slow ALL THE WAY down to a complete stop when the natural phenomenon of rain occurs. It is not necessary to stop, especially if you are on a highway. If you DO come to a stop, it will confuse the other drivers around you and increase the chance that someone else will hit your car with theirs.
Every car comes equipped with a set of long, metal, stick-like objects with little squeegies attached to them. They are located on the outside of the front window and can be activated by a knob inside the vehicle, somewhere near the steering wheel. These objects are called windshield wipers. If you use them properly, you should be able to see the road in front of you despite the naturally occurring phenomenon of water falling from the sky. These handy tools will prevent you from having to come to a complete stop on the highway and allow you to continue driving at a close-to-normal speed, albeit, more aware of the road in front of you and the other drivers around you.
It is VERY important to note that, when your inappropriate reaction to the phenomenon of rain DOES result in your car striking another or someone else’s car striking yours, you are not the only person inconvenienced. Thousands of people in other cars are also affected. Some of these other drivers have families they would like to get home to, or appointments they would like to make on time, or they are running low on gas, or have to pee, or some combination thereof. You are doing a great disservice to them all by failing to drive responsibly in the rain.
If you will follow the simple rules outlined above, you can avoid creating a traffic jam of massive proportions, causing your fellow drivers to sit in their cars for hours crying tears of frustration while your dumb ass blocks the road.
This has been a special public service announcement. You may now return to your regularly scheduled programming.Stumble it!