Sometimes water falls from the sky.  This is called rain.  It is not something that should scare you.  It is just a part of nature.

(It’s true, we haven’t seen much rain here in Austin over the past year.  Some of you may have forgotten what it is.  Just rest assured that it is totally safe and not a sign of the apocalypse.  At least, not as far as I know.  If frogs begin falling from the sky instead of water, THEN you can worry.)

If you happen to be driving when the natural phenomenon of rain occurs, the appropriate response is to slow down and become more aware of your surroundings. 

It is incorrect to SPEED UP when the mysterious water begins falling from the sky.  The faster you drive in response to this water, the more likely you are to hit someone else’s car with your own.  It is a simple fact that cars become less maneuverable when they are driven on slick roads, and driving faster greatly increases your risk of hitting someone else’s car with your own.  This fact HAS been scientifically proven.  

Weaving through traffic and changing lanes haphazardly are also inappropriate responses to the falling water from the sky.  The appearance of water on the roads makes them slick, and the more you weave through traffic the more likely you are to skid or hydroplane or otherwise lose control of your vehicle, thus striking another car with your own.

It is also NOT appropriate to slow ALL THE WAY down to a complete stop when the natural phenomenon of rain occurs.  It is not necessary to stop, especially if you are on a highway.  If you DO come to a stop, it will confuse the other drivers around you and increase the chance that someone else will hit your car with theirs.

Every car comes equipped with a set of long, metal, stick-like objects with little squeegies attached to them.  They are located on the outside of the front window and can be activated by a knob inside the vehicle, somewhere near the steering wheel.  These objects are called windshield wipers.  If you use them properly, you should be able to see the road in front of you despite the naturally occurring phenomenon of water falling from the sky.  These handy tools will prevent you from having to come to a complete stop on the highway and allow you to continue driving at a close-to-normal speed, albeit, more aware of the road in front of you and the other drivers around you.

It is VERY important to note that, when your inappropriate reaction to the phenomenon of rain DOES result in your car striking another or someone else’s car striking yours, you are not the only person inconvenienced.  Thousands of people in other cars are also affected.  Some of these other drivers have families they would like to get home to, or appointments they would like to make on time, or they are running low on gas, or have to pee, or some combination thereof.  You are doing a great disservice to them all by failing to drive responsibly in the rain.

If you will follow the simple rules outlined above, you can avoid creating a traffic jam of massive proportions, causing your fellow drivers to sit in their cars for hours crying tears of frustration while your dumb ass blocks the road.

This has been a special public service announcement.  You may now return to your regularly scheduled programming.

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17 Responses to “A Public Service Announcement to the Drivers in Austin, Texas”

  1. Sadly, I’ve lived in Austin, and while I loved it greatly, I’m going to guess that your fabulous PSA is going to maybe go unheeded.

    Stephs last blog post..Home finally feels like home.

  2. We were camping down at Lake Whitney when this rain hit. Not doing much in the way of camping stuff as it came down in sheets, we retreated to the tiny popup and read then took a nap. At dinner, still raining, we adjusted our aluminum coivered rabbit ear antenna 5 inch B&W TV and saw some local TV station out of Waco, and for 10 minutes, it was non-stop traffic wrecks.

    yeah, Texans cant drive in regular weather, and in rain, well, it will be biblical if a day goes on with rain and no accidents.

    BTW, nice rack!

    LarryLilys last blog post..Great, now I am being told I am a woman

  3. Thanks for the PSA!

    This needs to run in Southern California too. Rain means a doubling of the commute here.

    Can your next PSA be about driving home from work in the dark. Traffic sucks too as soon as daylight savings time ends. Thanks!

  4. I live in the Pacific NW and once the rainy season starts up (which btw is 9 months out of the year) people forget how to drive in it. Just a few changes and this PSA could work in the PNW. If you would like to rebroadcast this for the PNW that would be great.

    KD @ A Bit Squirrellys last blog post..You May See "L" for Loser

  5. I live in Utah. When it rains here it’s pandamonium. For reals. We will deal with snow, barbeque in snow, wear shorts and sandals in the snow, but if it falls from the sky and it isn’t white, we tend to board up our homes and get Fema on speed dial.

    steenky bee (jenboglass)s last blog post..The Spin Cycle: The Rhythm is Gonna Get You

  6. Ditto for SW Fla. The combination of old people + rain = obscenity laden commutes.

    Kailas last blog post..The Egg Timer

  7. I should have written something like this when we lived in Arkansas. I cannot count the number of snow days my kids got for what amounted to a heavy frost. It was kind of nice to be the best snow driver in the state though.

    Honeybells last blog post..More About My Nutcake Neighbors

  8. SERIOUSLY. I thought it was bad in L.A. when it rained, but then I moved to Austin. I’ve not seen this much incompetence in quite some time. This is a great PSA. Maybe I’ll print it out and put some under windshield wipers in the parking lot at HEB.

    all things BDs last blog post..Wordless Wednesday: We Love This Lady!

  9. Dude. Awesome.

    Here in the Great North, the first snow storm of the season is a flurry of cars in ditches or smacked into other cars because people forget the simple laws of physics. My favorite part is that 75% of the time, the driver is standing beside the road, shaking their head because they KNOW they were a dumbass.

    Once people get their practice in, the rest of snow season is much less exciting.

    Alias Mothers last blog post..Things I did instead of sleeping after the Buddha woke me up at 5 o’clock this morning

  10. Could you send this to Lexington, Kentucky as well? Idiots.

    Mrs. Whos last blog post..I May Have Been A TRIFLE Obsessed

  11. Proposed addendum to this announcement: If, in fact, frogs *do* start falling from the sky, you are likely in the middle of a Paul Thomas Anderson film. Please do not panic; it just means Jason Robards is dead.

    WaltzInExiles last blog post..Inaction

  12. This water you speak of…what does one do when it freezes or seems to fall from the sky in blinding white clumps? I fear for mankind here in Iowa when this event eventually, inevitably, happens. Hold me?

    :)

    foradifferentkindofgirl (FADKOG)s last blog post..i’d give my panties to a geek for a chance at free stuff

  13. A very funny and clever post!

    Anastasias last blog post..From Talking to Doing

  14. So my in-laws live in Austin. ONE time (notice how I stressed the one), I drove in a car (while prego) with my MIL, in the “RAIN”…thought I was done’fer. I would have rather sat on the side of the highway and caught pneumonia. I can honestly say that even pregnant, I had that seat belt (below the belly of course) pulled so tight I should have been a size 2 by the time I got out of the car. UHM, hello, why are you riding the ass of the construction truck, with the ladder hanging off the back?!?!?! He can’t see either!!! 100% pure torture. I would like to thank the Academy for still being here to give my speech. P.S. Don’t tell my MIL, FIL or hubbie…god forbid they all figure out she can’t drive!

    Janahs last blog post..Awesome Weekend!

  15. I am with FADGOK, especially since the idiot Iowans are too cheap to salt their damn roads (at least here they don’t). In Chicago elections are won or lost over how well/quickly the roads are cleaned, here they put down sand and dirt and crap and call it good.

    Karens last blog post..A Five Year Old’s Perspective on Virology

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