So yesterday I wrote this incredibly fascinating post about how I was bored at work and decided to fuck with the Bloggess to entertain myself. And without even knowing or caring, Black Hockey Jesus saw to it that the first thing I’d try to do was sign her up for the Gary Busey Fan Club.
But as I documented in my previous awesome post, it turns out my Blackberry has something against Gary Busey (I can’t imagine why, he’s such a pleasant man), and it also hates me (much more understandable) and doesn’t like it when I enjoy myself so it refused to let me sign the Bloggess up for Gary’s fan club, which was both disappointing and cruel. But I quickly got over it when I saw this:
Gary Busey suddenly meant nothing to me. Lindsay Wagner – now that’s what I’m talking about. I knew in my heart that the Bloggess MUST BECOME A MEMBER of the Lindsay Wagner fan club – not tomorrow, not two days from now, but NOW. Today. I could not click that link fast enough. And this is what I found:
Fucking Lindsay Wagner. SO cool.
So I scrolled down to find out more about how I could sign up the Bloggess for this feast of Lindsay Wagner goodness, but soon my hopes were shattered when I saw this:
Now listen here, Lindsay Wagner Fan Club people. I love Lindsay Wagner as much as the next girl. But $19.95? Seriously?
Don’t get me wrong, the package you’re offering is fantastic (that’s what she said): Two 8x10s, a poster, a bio, a filmography, even a welcome letter from Lindsay herself, all in a “unique fan club membership kit folder.” I’m not really sure what a “unique fan club membership kit folder” is exactly, but it sounds awesome. Not to mention, the newsletters that would keep the Bloggess updated with all of Lindsay’s activities, of which I’m sure there are many.
But $19.95 is too steep a price for such awesomeness. Even for the Bloggess.
So I left the Lindsay Wagner Fan Club without a membership and also completely discouraged and depressed. I couldn’t even bring myself to sign the Bloggess up for her subscriptions to Cat Fancy magazine OR the clown porn site, and I was really looking forward to that one.
I just gave up on all of it after the Lindsay Wagner people tried to bilk me out of my $19.95. Is there no decency in the world anymore?
(Not to mention, what the hell’s up with the Ann-Margret reference in the payment instructions? At least get your fucking F-list celebrity names straight? As a matter of principle I’m not giving $19.95 to anyone who confuses Lindsay Wagner with Ann-Margret. They’re nothing alike. Farah Fawcett, I could understand. Kate Jackson, even. But Ann-Margret? Come ON! I DO have standards, you know.)
I’m still disappointed and disheartened and lots of other dis-words about it. And now I’ve spilled my guts in my desperate need for NaBloPoMo blog content, so I can’t even fuck with the Bloggess anymore because she’ll totally know it was me.
I’m not giving up, though. I have a long history of fucking with people and it’s not gonna stop now. I refuse to let the Lindsay Wagner Fan Club get the best of me.
I’ll just find somebody ELSE to fuck with. Black Hockey Jesus, maybe. He IS the one who started all of this by planting Gary Busey in my head. But he’s kind of mean, too. He DID slice the head off that one kid that one time. I kind of like my head (that’s what she said) so maybe I’ll fuck with FADKOG instead. She hasn’t done anything to me personally but I’m pretty sure she deserves a good fucking-with. And I think I could probably take her in a fight. I may be small, but I’m scrappy.
I’m not giving up on the fan club thing, either. I’ll find an even BETTER F-list celebrity fan club next time. Maybe Kristy McNicol. Or Grant Goodeve.
Black Hockey Jesus and FADKOG better sleep with one eye open. I’m just sayin’.
P.S. If you do a Google search for “Gary Busey Fan Club” you’ll find my last blog post like five results down. How fucking cool is that?
P.P.S. I bet I’ll show up on the Lindsay Wagner Fan Club search results tomorrow. You should totally check. Then there’ll be this huge spike in traffic, and the Lindsay Wagner fans will be all, “WTF? Did Lindsay do something awesome that we don’t know about? Do we need to update the newsletter?”
P.P.P.S. I wonder how many lameass D-list celebrities I can write about so every time some lameass searches for one of their lameass fan clubs they find me instead?
I think I have a new mission.
P.P.P.P.S. Black Hockey Jesus and FADKOG, this does NOT mean you can relax now.
Stumble it!
Tags: lindsay wagner fan club
November 7th, 2008 at 5:03 pm
Doooood. For reals, I will pay the $20 for you to sign Jenny up to Ann-Margret’s fucking fan club. NO! NO! Dude. Ethel Fucking Merman. Sign Jenny up for THAT fan club, and I STG, I will…I don’t even fucking know. But it’ll be something AWESOME…like FOR REAL AWESOME, not like GARY BUSEY FAN CLUB AWESOME.
Although, Gary Busey Fan Club awesome would be way hard to top.
Stephs last blog post..Check it out!
November 7th, 2008 at 5:15 pm
AHHHH, Kristy McNicol! What was that movie?! Hang on… [googling frantically] ‘Little Darlings’! I was 15 the year that played on HBO for a summer. Heh.
goodfathers last blog post..A ward of my blog
November 7th, 2008 at 5:19 pm
Do you think if I started a fan club for myself people would pay me $20 to join it? Because that would be kind of awesome. I wouldn’t mind if you signed the Bloggess up for it, either, I’m pretty sure she loves me / knows who I am.
November 7th, 2008 at 5:24 pm
The Lindsey Wagner thing is really disturbing. People actually pay money to be in Lindsey Wagner fan club? She should be paying people to be in her fan club, not the other way around.
blissfully caffeinateds last blog post..Memelicious!
November 7th, 2008 at 5:28 pm
Too funny. Reminds me of when the Unit and I signed all of our friends up for The Hair Club For Men.
derfinas last blog post..Pieces of me
November 7th, 2008 at 5:44 pm
I’m not even kidding about what I’m going to say: I joined the Lindsay Wagner/Bionic Woman fan club when I was seven years old. I had the Bionic Woman doll with the removable bionic parts and everything. I waited anxiously for the fan club package to arrive, and when it did I ripped it open.
And found an 8×10 glossy in which Lindsey’s shirt was revealing a fair amount of bosom. And my seven year old self QUIT THE FAN CLUB on the spot. How awesome was I?
all things BDs last blog post..I Lost My Froggy
November 7th, 2008 at 6:08 pm
I don’t even know who Lindsay Wagoner is.
Ann-Margaret is awesomeness squared.
Gary Busey is not speaking to me. I think we both know why.
Jenny, Bloggesss last blog post..This is not a real post.
November 7th, 2008 at 6:42 pm
LMAO that’s what she said!!
flutters last blog post..This mess
November 7th, 2008 at 7:15 pm
“F” Gary Busey & Lindsay Wagner! OMG what about the Jeff Fahey fan club? You know, the Lawnmower Man? I know he isn’t crazy or anything, but that could still be kinda fun you know? He had a mad crazy following back in the day. He has to be pretty much F-list by now unless there is a Z-list I don’t know about. Besides, wasn’t he kinda hot a hundred years ago? I can’t remember.
kailas last blog post..208 year old Farted Boogers – 6 year old style
November 7th, 2008 at 7:35 pm
I know I will have made it as a big time blogger because Beej will sign me up to be in the David Hasselhoff fan club. I’ll be watching my back, just in case.
kd@abitsquirrellys last blog post..Then I broke
November 7th, 2008 at 7:37 pm
Beej I’ll up you one Gary Busey with a Corey Haim! You ‘spose Black Hockey Jesus knows who Corey Haim is?
Audss last blog post..Ignorance is NOT Always Bliss, Sometimes it’s Just IGNORANCE!
November 7th, 2008 at 10:47 pm
Sweet baby Jesus when you spin the pop culture wheel, it all just comes flying out, huh? The only thing that could have made this better would have been a reference to Starsky & Hutch.
WaltzInExiles last blog post..Pass/Fail
November 8th, 2008 at 2:07 am
For some bloggers, NaBloPoMo is not good, but it is obviously a great idea for you, so keep it up! You make me laugh.
Rachaels last blog post..Can’t. Breathe. Too. Cute.
November 8th, 2008 at 3:34 am
I am completely depressed that I actually know who Grant Goodeve is without Googling him.
mommypies last blog post..Things I’m diggin’ this week.
November 8th, 2008 at 11:57 am
You are freaking evil! I love it..just remind me not to annoy you…or even put myself on your radar…or let you know where I live…or give you my e-mail address.
Leading up to my dad’s 50th birthday, I started signing him up for stuff like those power chairs and other geriatric stuff…unfortunately, I did not have the obvious creativity that you do. I could learn a few things from you.
Jim Huffmans last blog post..Eradicate the Cold Virus
November 9th, 2008 at 11:18 am
Writing about the fan clubs of random minor celebrities for Google hits is a great idea! I’ve got to come up with something like that– we’ve all got to have our niche, right?
LiteralDans last blog post..Copout: America’s Worst-Named Cities
November 9th, 2008 at 1:28 pm
BEEJ!!!
I have been sleeping like crap for the last two days AND NOW I KNOW WHY!!! Damn, girl!
A couple of things:
- “She hasn’t done anything to me personally but I’m pretty sure she deserves a good fucking-with” — What’s missing after this sentence? Look at it. Look at it again. YES! You totally missed prime real estate to insert a “that’s what she said!”
- I still have my Jamie Summers/Bionic Woman doll!!! I am not even kidding! I got it the same year I also got all the Charlie’s Angels dolls, which I also still have, too. My sister got the Donnie and Marie Osmand dolls that year. Still have them. Still super lame.
- You know who you should look into as far as fan clubs go? That chick who played Susan on Eight is Enough. She was wacky. I like wacky.
Seriously, I’m exhausted. Will you be going ninja on my ass soon? (wait for it….THAT’S WHAT SHE SAID!!)
foradifferentkindofgirl (FADKOG)s last blog post..regrets. I have a few.
November 10th, 2008 at 1:46 pm
I am totally stealing Jen E’s idea and setting up a PayPal account. I will raise the money for BlogHer 2009 in no time!