Phase One: The “OMG!” Phase
“Ohmygod who IS that?? He! Is! So! CUTE! I luv luv luv luv luv him!”
(cutting photos from Tiger Beat magazine and tacking them to wall)
Phase Two: The Enamored Phase
BEEJ + Maverick = Tru Luv 4EVER!!
Ice Man sucks! Long live Mav! I luv luv luv luv luv him!
(pages and pages of notebook paper lined with flourishy cursive “Beej Cruise Mrs. Tom Cruise, Esq. Mrs. B. Cruise” fill my Trapper Keeper)
Phase Three: The Other-Woman Phase
Who IS that curly haired bitch stealing my Tommy? I HATE HER!!
NO FAIR!
(She IS really pretty though. And they DO make a nice couple.)
(God I wish my hair was curly.)
Phase Four: The ”Huh?” Phase, Part I
Huh?
Phase Five: The “Why, Tom? Why?” Phase
Why, Tom? Why? What did poor Nicole ever do to you?
Poor Nicole!
Poor, poor, poor Nicole.
Phase Six: The ”Huh?” Phase, Part II
Huh?
Phase Seven: The “Eh” Phase
Eh.
Whatever.
Phase Eight: The “WTF?” Phase
WTF?
No. Really. WTF?
Phase Nine: The “Oh-No-He-Did-NOT” Phase
Oh no he did NOT just do that.
No, he did NOT!
He did?
Fucker!
Phase Ten: The Redemption Phase
Touche, Tom. You got me.
I forgive you.
Phase Eleven: The Resignation Phase
No matter what this man does, he will always hold a very special place in my heart.
Also, no matter what this man does, I will always know that he is, deep down, COMPLETELY FUCKING NUTS.
Stumble it!
December 6th, 2008 at 11:58 pm
I don’t care what anyone says – I love Tom Cruise. And you cannot ‘eh’ @ The Last Samurai. That movie was awesome.
December 7th, 2008 at 12:12 am
You had me at “Top Gun”
December 7th, 2008 at 12:31 am
I have to agree with Maria, I really liked The Last Samurai!
I was never in love with Tom Cruise (I think I was a little young) and I didn’t get Eyes Wide Shut (fell asleep) and think he is totally off his rocker. Yet, you are right – Tropic Thunder was hilarious, and I CANT WAIT for Valkyrie. Oh well, I just have to accept that he’s crazy!
Rachaels last blog post..Saturday Share
December 7th, 2008 at 3:38 am
you know what bugs me about Tom Cruise? Look at his teeth. No, seriously, look at them. The front two are like, offset from the center of his face. It fucks with my brain every time I look at him
flutters last blog post..It’s beginning to look a lot like Christmas…
December 7th, 2008 at 6:58 am
You’re right! Seriously, someone should write a thesis on this.
tinsenpups last blog post..Not Hiding, Linking Excessively
December 7th, 2008 at 1:09 pm
You’re completely missing 3 early phases here. Or perhaps, one phase with 3…steps? No, stages. 3 stages. No, wait, there are more than that. There’s pre-Business “Taps” and “The Outsiders.” There’s post-business and pre-Gun “All the Right Moves” and “Legend.” There’s post-Gun “The Color of Money” and “Cocktail” and “Rain Man” AND “Born on the 4th of July” AND “Days of Thunder” (the REAL 1st time he and Nic were onscreen.) And you completely forgot all the ridiculous and still totally HAWT Missions:Impossible.
F*ck. Never mind. This IS a damn thesis. Too bad I’m not in film school.
WaltzInExiles last blog post..Proposals
December 7th, 2008 at 4:29 pm
so, so, so, so true
Zs last blog post..fa la la la la
December 7th, 2008 at 5:14 pm
I’m a Top Gun girl. And after that, the affair ended.
December 7th, 2008 at 8:58 pm
Tommy Girl jumped the shark for me at Top Gun – OK well Mission Impossible. Can’t buy into it anymore. I try, girl, I try, but the guy is a nutjob and I can’t seem to get past it.
Kailas last blog post..I am a rock whore, The Great White Lizard Hunter rocks out
December 7th, 2008 at 9:28 pm
For me, Cruise redeemed himself in Intervie With the Vampire after I swore up and down that he couldn’t possibly play my beloved Lestat. I was wrong.
And then it all went downhill from there!
Seriously though, this was one of the funniest retrospectives on Cruise I have ever seen! The laughs it provided were sorely needed!
Audss last blog post..On a Completely Different Note
December 7th, 2008 at 9:29 pm
Crap…that was supposed to be Interview with the Vampire. My “W” key is wonky lately.
Audss last blog post..On a Completely Different Note
December 7th, 2008 at 10:25 pm
All of which goes to show: completely batshit crazy can still be quite compelling.
TwoBusys last blog post..Tiny bodies electric with rage
December 7th, 2008 at 11:28 pm
Yeah, I thought it would be cool to be like him…in 6th grade…and I do like the idea of owning my own P-51 Mustang, but all that other shit…Really? And you guys looked at his teeth, but did you notice his fucking nose? What kind of nose is that? And JEEZ! That guy is short!
Jimh.s last blog post..Infamous Day
December 7th, 2008 at 11:41 pm
I loved this. I have many of the same feelings about Tom Cruise. I was madly in love with him as whathisname in Far and Away (so cute!). And I hated him in Eyes Wide Shut. But that’s not really HIS fault since I thought Eyes Wide Shut could have been written by a 15 year old computer nerd given the assignment to pull together a screenplay for a “sexy thriller.” Best line of the move was when a masked woman at the weird orgy party sidles up to him and says, “you must leave – you are in great danger.” Or something like that – don’t know if it’s an exact quote – but it may as well be. Ridiculous. We actually left the theater soon after that because I really thought that if I had to watch Nicole Kidman put on her bra BEFORE her panties ONE MORE TIME I might have a stroke.
He still had me at hello in Jerry McGuire – but lost me shortly after that. I’m one of those people who really thinks that he’s secretly gay.
December 8th, 2008 at 12:04 am
okay, i’m old.
Fluff. Tom Cruise if fluff except for “Collateral.” i loved the final scene.
But what captured me were the bar scenes in “Top Gun,” which were filmed at Kansas City Barbeque in downtown San Diego (they still have a sign hanging out front claiming their place in movie history), and the bar scene at Miramar’s hog call where Kelly McGillis’ character would never have gone, and Maverick would have been laughed off the base had he really sang that song in his dress whites. i’m still laughing.
Oh yeh, now i think he’s maniacal fluff.
Did you notice i am into bar scenes?
December 8th, 2008 at 3:08 am
Dude is a fruit loop.
But man he was hawt in Risky Business and Interview with the Vampire…
Kelleys last blog post..You want crazy? I will show you mine if you show me yours.
December 8th, 2008 at 8:22 am
Have you seen “Magnolia”? You need to see it.
December 8th, 2008 at 11:32 am
I once spent the bulk of one summer at the movie theater watching Top Gun over and over. I still stop whatever I’m doing and watch if I come across it on television. THAT is the Tom Cruise I want to hold in my heart forever. Today he’s just whack-a-doo, but he’ll forever be my Maverick.
foradifferentkindofgirl (fadkog)s last blog post..‘you can’t escape the hours, you lose track of the days’
December 8th, 2008 at 12:03 pm
mmm Tom use to be so damn hot..now his weirdness has taken a toll on me, I just dont find him attractive like I use to.
December 8th, 2008 at 2:00 pm
Why can’t his hair go back to Phase 6? Why is it always cut so badly now? And why the hell do he and Katie have to have matching hair? That drives me nuts and it must stop. And what’s with the 3 piece suits he’s always in? That drive me insane and it must also stop.
I love him SO much.
December 8th, 2008 at 2:44 pm
Well, as long as YOU know he’s crazy, you’ve pretty much won the battle.
(and don’t forget “A Few Good Men”… one of my all time favorites.)
Lynettes last blog post..We’ve won the war…
December 8th, 2008 at 6:31 pm
So many unanswered cries for help…won’t someone think of the actors!
WPoFDs last blog post..Why I Love My Cameraphone, Pt. 2
December 8th, 2008 at 7:05 pm
Okay, all I can think about now is the volleyball scene from Top Gun…yummy!
Neenas last blog post..I’ll take my Mother of the Year Award in the form of cash, thank you.
December 8th, 2008 at 7:42 pm
Yes, volleyball scene from Top Gun. Yum.
Also, I enjoyed him in A Few Good Men and The Firm.
His new movie? Freaking. Me. Out.
Pgoodnesss last blog post..The Big Three Five
December 8th, 2008 at 10:36 pm
Thanks. I’ll be sure not to miss Tropic Thunder. Did not know he was in it.
I liked him in Risky Business and Mission: Impossible but yeah, he’s too short. A Few Good Men was a great movie but not because of his character. Kevin Bacon and Jack Nicholson, yeah!
LuckyMes last blog post..Monday Macabre
December 9th, 2008 at 12:18 am
He hasn’t redeemed himself for me, but I’ll always love the old Tom.
dysfunctional moms last blog post..The DysFUNctional Part of the Family
December 9th, 2008 at 2:11 am
i could NOT believe that was him in tropic thunder. i had to sit through all of the credits going “…IS IT?…..NOOOO!! ….wait… wait… IS IT?” because i was completely in shock/denial. i think he’s ridiculous and a grade a psycho, but it made it that much more hilarious watching him in tropic thunder. and yes, old tom was good. i might even say mission impossible was AWESOME, but he was getting a little creepy then.
overall, creepy and psycho, but a pleasant surprise every now and then.
December 12th, 2008 at 9:13 am
Someone mentioned Magnolia earlier. I’ll repeat . . . you need to see Magnolia. Perhaps his greatest role . . . ?
tysdaddys last blog post..Pappy’s Homework