Bejewell on July 3rd, 2008

I recently published a post called I’m Trapped in the Hell Where Bad Fashions Go To Die.  (Have you read it?  If not, you should.  It’s Very Insightful.) 

My first version of this Brilliant Post included a photo of Melanie Griffith taken from the movie Working Girl, wearing a blazer with shoulder pads so large she looked like a linebacker for the Cincinatti Reds, or the Detroit Redwings, or the Boston Celtics, or something.  I included this photo as an example of one of the many fashion “don’ts” I see around my office on a regular basis.  I thought it was Terribly Clever.


Yesterday, my mother told me in no uncertain terms that she didn’t like my post.  It’s the first time she’s ever said that about my blog so I listened.  She felt that I’d been unfair in my criticism of certain fashions, and that I hadn’t taken into account “old people” like herself.  She was pretty sure she had worn some of those fashions to the office before, and now her own daughter was suggesting that she was a fashion “don’t.” 

She especially took issue with the photo of Melanie Griffith.  Apparently, while reading the post Mom saw the photo of “Melanie” (they are on a first-name basis, of course) and expected it to be an example of how good someone could look at the office.  But as she read on she realized that was not the case.  And she took it personally, on her BFF Melanie’s behalf. 

(She also didn’t like the powder blue jumper photo at the end of the Brilliant Post, but that one was non-negotiable.)

Not wanting to offend my mother (I mean, after all, with these numbers I can’t afford to lose even one reader), I replaced the photo last night.  I had a surprisingly hard time finding another photo of enormous 80s shoulder pads, but finally settled on this one of Linda Whats-Her-Name from Dynasty.  (Wasn’t she married to Yanni at some point?  And he beat her up or something, I think, which is really crazy that wimpy Yanni would or even could beat ANYONE up, especially someone who once held her own in a catfight with Joan Collins… But I digress.)

I figured Mom had probably never worn gold-lame shoulder pads, at least not to the office.

To clarify, I added this note:

NOTE: I had to change this from an earlier photo of Melanie Griffith because my mother complained.  She thought Melanie looked “nice” and should have been included in the fashion “do’s” list instead of fashion “don’ts.”  Nevermind that the photo was taken from the movie Working Girl, which was released in 1988, TWENTY YEARS AGO.) 

This morning, the following email exchange took place:

From: Mom
To: Me
Subject: Melanie

Melanie and I thank you.


From: Me
To: Mom
Subject: RE: Melanie
Only for you, Mother.  Only for you.

And the thick haze of censorship clouds the dark skies…


From: Mom
To: Me
Subject: RE:  Melanie
You are such a shit.


My mom is fucking awesome.

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8 Responses to “Really, She Loves Me”

  1. Your mom and my mom would soooooo get along!

  2. Well, if it’s any consulation, I agree with both your choices. I did, once upon a time, love Melaines outfits in this movie… alas, it wasn’t to long after that my garbage can was overflowing with torn out shoulder pads. Tell your mom to get her own blog :)

  3. I love your mom. She should totally get her own blog!

  4. My mom has recently started swearing, and it adds a whole new shade to her character. My sister and I are getting a total kick out of it. She owes us all of the money she made us put into that darn jar.

  5. You reminded me of the first time my mother called me a twat. I was floored, literally, as I laughed so hard I fell off my chair.

    Hilarious post, glad to have found your blog!

  6. Auds – Let’s get them together. They can go bowling together or something. And curse at each other. Awesome.

    Diane – I have been saying that, too. But then she would be better than me and I can’t have that. Plus, she would NEVER be able to figure out the computer well enough. Never.

    Mamasphere – Your mom just started? My mom’s been cursing so long that I actually think “shit” was one of my first words. I know for a fact that I was saying it by the age of three.

    RGP – The twat thing is hilarious. My mom asked me yesterday if I had seen the “twat” comment. Your mom should join my mom and Auds’ mom for bowling sometime.

  7. Ahh! You’re mom sounds fucking awesome! LOL


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