Bejewell on January 1st, 2009

Because the last New Year’s celebration I actually enjoyed was the switchover from 1993 to 1994. 

Janet Reno was named Attorney General that year.  Eric Clapton’s Tears in Heaven won like every Grammy that existed.  Picket Fences won the Emmy for Best Drama Series. 

PICKET FUCKING FENCES, people.

The Big Bean and I were were super young and ridiculously in love and we looked good and had cash to burn, so pretty much every day of our lives was like a fucking trip to Disneyland – New Years or not.  He was in town for a visit, about four months before he finally bought the cow and moved here, and we spent the evening on a pub crawl the likes of which had never been seen before.  Dancing, drinking, singing, sitting on pianos, drinking, laughing, shouting, drinking, singing again, making friends, wearing silly hats, making other people wear silly hats, drinking, falling down, trying not to pee, laughing some more… and of course the 3:30 AM stop at Whataburger on the way home for some fries to soak up a little of the remaining alcohol.  All followed by devastating hangovers the next day. 

It was great.

It was the last time.

Over the years we’ve been to other New Year’s parties, of course — but none of them have ever held the charm or allure of that one big night.

Maybe it was just so great that we gave up on another one ever living up to it. 

Or maybe we just got fucking OLD.

We definitely had a baby, which pretty much ruins New Year’s for anyone, I think — at least for a while.  Fireworks and babies are a shitty, shitty combination.  The day my child was born, New Year’s Eve and the Fourth of July officially became the Most Annoying Holidays of the Year.    

Don’t get me wrong, I’m GLAD to say Good Riddance to 2008, a year that in many ways sucked fuckballs and will definitely NOT be missed by me.  And who doesn’t love the idea of a fresh start?  I could definitely use a fresh start right about now. 

But I’m afraid the days of champagne and party hats are long gone for us.  In fact, as I type this, I’m in bed wearing my sweatshirt and flannel pajama bottoms, the ones with the holes, cursing the neighbors every time I hear a firecracker from the street, HOW DARE THEY CELEBRATE WHILE MY BABY’S SLEEPING?!, desperately hoping that the noise doesn’t wake the Bean and terrified that it will and I’ll have to somehow get this kid back to sleep at 12:15 AM with huge colored explosions going off in the sky above our house.

However, at the same time I am absolutely certain that a Roman Candle could blast into the house and set us all on fire and it STILL wouldn’t be enough to wake up the Big Bean.

 

I had a whole list of reasons why New Year’s Eve sucks, from the hangovers to the drunk drivers to the dumb asses who get sloppy and fall into plants (long story) and Ryan Seacrest, that FUCKING RYAN SEACREST, who is the DEVIL and trying to destroy us all with his product-drenched hair and Smeagol-like grin and lame jokes and ass kissing. 

(And if you don’t believe me just cruise on over to Sarcastic Mom’s blog and check out my guest post.  Sure, it’s a little insane but I still think it lays out my case against the Devil-slash-Ryan Seacrest quite nicely.)

But I think that video pretty much sums it up for me.  New Year’s Eve can suck it.  I’m tired and joining the Big Bean in happy slumber, assuming the nutjobs down the street keep the f’crackers to a minimum and the Little Bean stays dormant. 

See you in 2009, suckers.

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20 Responses to “Why This is NOT a New Year’s Post”

  1. I’m so bookmarking you. Happy New Year!

    Angels last blog post..Thirteen dollars for thirteen years.

  2. Yo, he is one sound sleeper. I wonder if you just took your shirt off, the sound of your bra unhooking would magically wake him up. Talk about a roman candle! That’s about all it takes for my hubs. He doesn’t wake up before 10am except for sex or fishing.

    Do you think I’m kidding?

    Texan Mamas last blog post..Christmas, Round 3

  3. I don’t remember 93/94.
    I don’t remember any New Year’s except the 03/04 because I had a newborn.
    New Year’s can suck it.

    But happy new year!

    Marias last blog post..For Your Information:

  4. Holy hell, my husband would kill me. Thanks for the idea!

    Honeybells last blog post..More About My Nutcake Neighbors

  5. I hope I’m still waiting for my one definitive New Year, although this one was pretty good :) it’s not great on November 5th (Bonfire Night) in the UK with a dog… but mainly because the dog goes stir crazy and once ended up chewing through her gate. I hope it’s not the same for the Bean.

    Razs last blog post..How Things Change

  6. I spent New Year’s Eve on the couch, watching the last 45 minutes of The Dark Knight, which I’ve already seen, but that’s just a detail. At midnight, I turned to my beloved and was all “Happy New Year!” and puckered up, and I swear to you, like three minutes went by before he got his creaky body sat up and situated enough to lean over and give me a kiss, and then as soon as he did, he had generated enough electricty in all his squirming to shock me (hard!) on the lips. It hurt! I also guess that was our version of fireworks (which is a tradition that doesn’t happen around Iowa at all, I think).

    Anyway, after that burst of light and love, we both settled back in for the rest of the movie. Woo hoo, New Year’s Eve!

    foradifferentkindofgirl (FADKOG)s last blog post..all is quiet on new year’s day? where. I want to go there.

  7. Hubby and I would have these amazing NYEve parties B4 kids.
    Last night I was in bed at 11:00.

    I wish I could still party like it was 1999…

    Happy New Year!

    swirl girls last blog post..The One Where She Says ‘Adios’ To Her Ass

  8. Happy New Year!
    We spent it freezing our asses off in -15F weather and 40mph winds. Oddly enough, it was very gratifying.

    Beej m’dear, among the few things I’m grateful for in 2008 that did not suck ass, is your friendship!

    Here’s to 2009 kicking ass and not sucking it!

    P.S. Yeah. We’re getting old. WORD!

    Auds at Barking Mads last blog post..So Long 2008

  9. Happy New Year! Yeah, last night we went to bed before midnight. I don’t remember that last New Year’s Eve party I went to, but it was more than 10 years ago, heh.

    Here’s hoping for a great 2009!

    goodfathers last blog post..Spin Cycle: Resolutions

  10. Oh, my achin’ head! Happy freakin’ New Year.

    derfinas last blog post..Aftermath and looking ahead

  11. Uh, while I’m with you on most of those resons, my New YEars was worse. Stop on over to the land of puke and vomit…

    Shannons last blog post..My New Year’s "Rockin" Eve

  12. Ewww. I don’t know what that actor’s name is, but isn’t he the creepy guy that was in Poison Ivy with Drew Barrymore? He diddled her in that movie didn’t he? I think he was Jasper in Top Gun too. Eww, Top Gun. Remember that volleyball scene? Tom Cruise hadn’t gone crazy yet. Ah, good times.

    steenky bees last blog post..I’m Back…Not With a Vengence or Anything, But I’m Back.

  13. I’m new here. I saw you at Lotus’ place. That video had me cracking up. Happy New Year anyway!

    Tiffanys last blog post..Sparklers Suck Ass

  14. I was asleep at 10:15 on New Year’s Eve, so I hear you on this one. Totally. My favorite New Year’s Eve was when 1990 became 1991, and I was in England, and we celebrated and drank champagne in the streets at midnight, and then did it again at 5am, because the party was still going then, and someone shouted, “Hey Look! Now it’s 1991 where she’s from too!” Now with two children, I’m all about the family pizza night and sleeping early, apparently. Happy New Year anyway.

    MommyTimes last blog post..Happy New Year! (Now, Let’s Get to Work…)

  15. Um…. happy new year anyway? :)

    maggie, dammits last blog post..Because We Can.

  16. The Big Bean? Totally at peace with the world. I love it . . .

    Happy 2009, you crabby thing . . .

    tysdaddys last blog post..The Horror!

  17. I’m laughing because I have 3 kids and just posted about my new year’s eve party night. ACtually, once they get older, and you can get an overnight sitter, things can pick up again.

    Trust me!

    traceys last blog post..Debauchery. DeeeeBAUCHeriiiiieeeeee!!!!

  18. I hope to hell my wife never decides to post a picture…let alone a video, of me sleeping…She claims I snore…nd also claims to have video as proof. Beej, you are one cruel woman…I think you’re great!

    We sat watching TV discussing Ryan Seacrest’s apparent lack of testosterone…I think you make a good case, but you may be preaching to the choir!

    Jimh.s last blog post..Fancy That! FFFF!

  19. Great video. If it makes you feel better, I don’t think I’ve EVER had a rockin new years as described above. Even when young and before boychildren.

    Anns last blog post..Silent partner, anyone?

  20. I so hear you. Except I never had the awesome New Year’s party that you did.
    Happy New Year’s anyway!

    ~ms last blog post..Sunday Edition, Konglish Style

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