Since everybody who’s anybody is blogging about blogging lately, and other blogs are blogging about all the blogging about blogging, I’m pretty sure I should too. Because I like doing what everyone else is doing, it makes me feel worthy of all of the adoration and accolades I’m not getting.
The problem is I really don’t have very much to say about blogging except that I enjoy writing my blog and if you don’t like it you probably shouldn’t read it. If you DO like it you should leave a comment and if you aren’t sure how you feel about it you should keep coming back again and again and again and while you’re thinking about what you’ve just read you should click on each of the ads over there on the right side of your screen at least two or three times to get some perspective.
By the way, you know that part up there where I said that I don’t have very much to say? That was a bald faced lie. As usual I have plenty to say and yes, most of it is bullshit but I’m pretty sure at least 3.7% of it is pure gold. I’ll let you mine for it and you can keep what you find. You’re welcome.
- I blog because I totally crack myself up most of the time and my real-life people aren’t always appropriately amused and I’m no quitter so I’m gonna keep trying until someone appreciates it like they should and I finally get that ticker tape parade I’ve been jonesing for, GODDAMMIT. In case you were wondering.
- Apparently there are a lot of anonymous assholes out there who like to bash blogs and then scamper away like cockroaches. I’ve been hit by one or two of these fuckers and each time I was really upset about it for a couple of hours, until I got home and spent about ten minutes with my little Bean and realized that those people don’t get to come home to the AWESOMENESS that is my kid every day so of COURSE they’re bitter and jealous. And then I felt better about myself and moved on to write even more gloriously wonderful posts that enlightened and bettered the world.
(But of course I also made snarky, thinly-veiled references to the evil trolls because I don’t let ANYTHING go for real, at least not until I’ve beaten it to death and poked at it a few extra times with some kind of large, pointy object. And then when I know it’s really dead I move on — but I NEVER forget. I’m like an elephant that way. Or a monkey. Or a raccoon. Or an alligator. Which is the one with the memory? I can’t remember. But whatever it is, yeah, I’m totally like that.)
- The problem with those anonymous fuckers is that they’re a lot like drive-by shooters. There you are, just going about your day and minding your own business when BLAM! you’re shot in the thigh. And it happened so fast you didn’t see it coming and couldn’t duck behind a car door shield or anything and you’ll never know who did it so you can’t show up at their trial for shooting you and scream “EAT MY SHORTS, FUCKWAD!” from your wheelchair while kicking them in the groin with your good leg. And that just sucks.
- There’s a lot of talk about bloggers who blog just to be popular and I don’t really understand why that matters. The whole point of a blog is that you want to share what you have to say with the rest of the world, so of COURSE you want as many people to read it as possible. Right? No? Isn’t that why there are all these conferences and events and shit?
As far as I’m concerned a blog post is either good or it’s not. If it’s good, I don’t really care what the motivation was behind it. If it sucks, I don’t feel compelled to say it sucks, I just don’t read that particular blog anymore. See? Easy.
- Speaking of judging, there seem to be a shitload of awards out there right now… Best Shallow Worthless Celebrity Blog, Best Antarctic Blog, Best Blog About Farts and Boogers, whatever. I couldn’t tell you what they are because I haven’t been nominated for any of them and therefore they do not affect me and therefore I do not care and they can keep their stupid stinkin’ awards and I’m totally not sad about it at all (sniff).
Also, if I had known that these awards existed I obviously would have done a MUCH better job of creating thousands of fake email aliases to nominate and vote for myself, but nobody bothered to tell me so I consider it more of a DISQUALIFICATION than an omission.
- When I read blogs that I like, I comment. I do that because, again, Hello? Hilarious here. Comments are just another method of sharing my dazzling thoughts with the world. But can I ask a question? Why do people race to be the first commenter on some blogs? I’ve seen this phenomenon on awesome sites like FADKOG and Steenky Bee and Shake Shake and I don’t get it. I mean, I absolutely LOVE their posts but I have no desire to be first in their comments section.
Is there some kind of prize that I’m not aware of? If there’s some kind of prize I need to know so I can devise a malevolent, diabolical plan to cheat and claim the prize somehow.
- If there’s NOT some kind of prize for being first then I want to know why the hell nobody’s racing to be the first commenter here. Maybe I should start offering a prize to see if you suckers will jump at the bait. The Bloggess apparently hands badges out like candy to all of her henchmen and now that I think about it that’s kind of genius so here, if you are the first commenter on my blog post you can have this badge for your own blog:
- The above awesome badge is also available to commenters numbered 4, 8, 15, 16, 23, and 42, even though in those cases it makes no sense.
- And if you got that reference just then you are FUCKING COOL like me and my mom. And you can have THIS badge:
So there you have it. My version of the blog post about blogging about blogging about blogging. If you enjoyed it I’m glad, and if you didn’t, you can proudly display this badge:
You’re welcome. Again.
Stumble it!
Tags: awesome badges
January 9th, 2009 at 10:41 pm
True story: I call it a “bold-faced lie” even though I know your way is correct.
Jenny, Bloggesss last blog post..The ASPCA doesn’t care if your dog is awesome or not.
January 9th, 2009 at 10:41 pm
Also I don’t count as your first comment because I cheated so just ignore me.
Jenny, Bloggesss last blog post..The ASPCA doesn’t care if your dog is awesome or not.
January 9th, 2009 at 10:48 pm
Jenny counts, but I want that fucking award. ;p
January 9th, 2009 at 10:48 pm
This is a cheat comment, because I plan to comment again just to get the #4 spot so I can get a damn badge.
Velmas last blog post..Another Day, Another Disgusting Mouthing Episode.
January 9th, 2009 at 10:51 pm
Actually, I have never understood the whole “I’m first” thing, because, hello? Look what just happened! I thought, “Oh, I’ll comment and then comment again real fast,” but BAM! Flutter jumped right in and stole that 3rd slot from me. But that’s ok, because I still get whatever badge you were handing out for being #4.
So, you know – I’ve got that goin’ for me.
Velmas last blog post..Another Day, Another Disgusting Mouthing Episode.
January 9th, 2009 at 10:52 pm
“There’s a lot of talk about bloggers who blog just to be popular and I don’t really understand why that matters.”
Just to be popular. It matters because it’s like…
It’s like a doctor. I hope a doctor is in his field because he wants to help people. Not because of the paycheck. I hope the doctor takes all the med school it takes to get to his MD seriously, and doesn’t take shortcuts like having residents and their doctor parents do their work for them. I hope a doctor is in it for what they can do for their patients, not what their patients can do for them.
Everyone wants to be popular. I do. But at what cost? I love attention. Blogging in and of itself is a completely narcissistic act. If we didn’t want comments and recognition we’d be writing in diaries, but I’m not going to comment on blogs I don’t like just for comments back, or trying to rub elbows with the bigger bloggers just because they are bigger bloggers and I’m itching for a link or whatever, or any of the other shit I see people doing. *I* will have to be enough.
No, I’m not high. Even though it sounds like it with that analogy.
Marias last blog post..In the eyes of a ranger…the unsuspecting stranger…
January 9th, 2009 at 10:55 pm
Hi. I’m commenting cuz, uhm, you told me to in your post. And also cuz you just made me laugh so hard (as usual) that I actually teared up. And I’m posting this from my iPhone so I should totally get points for dedication.
Marilyns last blog post..This n’ That: TGIF Edition
January 9th, 2009 at 11:11 pm
Damn. It’s so late at night that I thought I would be first commenter and get that totally cool award. Not that I care about awards. AT ALL. But it would be nice just to be nominated.
Screw that. I want the award.
Mrs. Whos last blog post..For Fun Friday, January 9, 2009
January 9th, 2009 at 11:30 pm
My theory is that I don’t get more comments because after the first one everyone is bummed out that they can’t be first so they just don’t bother.
But I’ll comment because I fell in like with you after you guested at Lotus’ place.
Michelle Smiless last blog post..Bilibo
January 9th, 2009 at 11:37 pm
Since Jenny beat me to first, i was going to wait until i could be fourth. Couldn’t. Could i still get a badge. The last one is probably most suitable.
i clicked on the ad and try to remember to do that every time, but forget often (after all, i am old).
i am still not a card carrying blogger, but you are my home page and i read some of the blogs from your responses. Good stuff.
A great deal of what you write is scary to me because you are writing things i think.
Keep on blogging (doesn’t have quite the same ring as “keep on chuggling.”
January 9th, 2009 at 11:47 pm
ELEVENTH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
foradifferentkindofgirl (fadkog)s last blog post..a tiny tits list
January 9th, 2009 at 11:50 pm
Dude, I totally get the reference, btw, and I can’t wait for it to kick into gear again.
I blog because I have a lot of stuff going on in my head and no one around here that I try to tell it to in person knows what to do with it, so I let you all have it. Some of it is better than others. Maybe. I don’t really know. I just do it. I’m glad you do it, too.
foradifferentkindofgirl (fadkog)s last blog post..a tiny tits list
January 9th, 2009 at 11:54 pm
When i started my first response, i would have been third, but by the time i finished i was 10th. Could that be two badges?
January 10th, 2009 at 12:20 am
I enjoyed every second of this post. But I still can’t give a damn what number commenter I am (I’m just here cuz you make me laugh.) Can I get an apathy badge? (Alias Mother is right: I’m totally high maintenance.)
WaltzInExiles last blog post..Hogmanay
January 10th, 2009 at 12:48 am
I blog because I suck , but I don’t swallow.
Badge that.
swirl girls last blog post..Now Wait Just A Minutiae
January 10th, 2009 at 1:03 am
Commenting as requested, and because I really, really do like you. And I also don’t get the first thing, because half the time, someone merely types in “First!”, only to be the 7th person down, and then they just look like an ass.
all things BDs last blog post..Please Don’t Kill Harold
January 10th, 2009 at 1:50 am
I totally get it and can’t wait! Bummed I missed out on being number #16. Perhaps I’ll come back and hit #23.
January 10th, 2009 at 2:24 am
Oh please don’t get me started on the awards. I don’t think I will ever publicly describe my feelings about them. I must be living under a rock in regards to all the other bloggers who are talking about blogging for popularity. Actually, it’s not that I have been living under a rock, I have been too busy listening to my Kid faux-sing the ABC’s! Which has been his favorite song for the past two weeks. Melts my heart. I know that wasn’t related, but I don’t care, I just wanted to share that with you.
Janah @ So Not Mom-a-liciouss last blog post..Not Much is New Update
January 10th, 2009 at 5:01 am
ok, i totally deserve your second badge, but since i dont have a blog i guess ill just print it out and tramp stamp it.:)
January 10th, 2009 at 5:28 am
Not me, I don’t want to be popular. That’s why I don’t blog. Heh. But I read a lot of blogs and enjoy them all.
January 10th, 2009 at 6:41 am
Fuck that number shit, and hey, I don’t see where your comments are numbered and I’m not taking time to count them up to see if I’m number 22 or whatever because that takes time away from me working towards worldwide popularity.
So I’m going to just steal the award any damn way.
Of course people are excited to be the first commenter on my blog. Hello? Worldwide popularity??
No, seriously, I don’t get why someone gets excited to comment first on my blog because I’m a NOBODY. Although my name is Heather and Dooce’s name is Heather and her husband is her back end master and now my husband is my back end master. I think I may be the new Dooce.
You know what, I should have just written on my damn post instead of writing a novel in your comments. Oh well. With worldwide popularity comes much responsibility.
Heather, Queen of Shake Shakes last blog post..How to find and woo an internet blog lover
January 10th, 2009 at 7:38 am
Where’s the wheelchair-bound-fuckwad-yelling badge?
Anns last blog post..Safety Tips: Encountering Toddlerus Tantrumicus
January 10th, 2009 at 7:42 am
I actually snorted out loud when I read the bit about yelling first in the comments.
Which was rather unfortunate as said snorting caused the chocolate that was in my mouth to come out my nose. And that shit burns.
I found a solution. I did it today. I posted and then quickly commented to become the first commenter.
My brilliance astounds even me.
Kelleys last blog post..The year of Awesome. Is pretty damn Awesome. With an exclamation mark to the power of 12.
January 10th, 2009 at 9:45 am
“Lost” starts again on the 21st. Thought you should know that.
January 10th, 2009 at 10:58 am
Well I thought you were pretty funny. But I still want the I SUCK badge..’cause um..you know. I do. LOL.
Lynettes last blog post..A Father and his daughter
January 10th, 2009 at 11:45 am
i really wanted to say something clever and witty so all your minions would come over and read my blog and then i would be all popular and stuff cuz i’d be rubbing elbows (ick, that’s weird) with all the cool kids but i’m afraid that i ran out of clever and witty about 54 words ago.
oh, and NOT first.
the planet of janets last blog post..Haiku Friday: the how-drunk-can-I-get? edition
January 10th, 2009 at 11:54 am
oh, and because i want to be a cool kid, i should let all your many readers know that comment luv is behind and *not* showing my most recent post, which is the continuing tale of my search for alcoholic nirvana through wine coolers, and *not* in haiku.
cuz i’m all about the sharing.
and new readers.
i’ll shut up now.
the planet of janets last blog post..Haiku Friday: the how-drunk-can-I-get? edition
January 10th, 2009 at 12:00 pm
This post actually reminded me of this person on twitter who started following me recently. They have a blog where they complain about the people who don’t like trolls and delete comments they don’t like and stuff. I just think it’s funny because they are basically doing what they say they don’t like. Anyways, even though I am not any of those comment numbers you wrote I am still a good comment number because I am comment number 28. Two and eight add up to ten and I like multiples of five so 28 is an awesome comment number to be at.
Zandors last blog post..Gross I’m old.
January 10th, 2009 at 12:09 pm
I’m confused, and apparently naive, and definitely not a somebody, and annoyed that your blogging about blogging post was better than mine.
catnips last blog post..hello out there
January 10th, 2009 at 12:39 pm
Thanks for the laugh! This post reminded me of all that is FUN about blogging
January 10th, 2009 at 12:56 pm
I don’t get blog awards. I don’t get the hulaballo about blogs. I blog because I used to keep paper diaries, but why do that when a. I type faster and b. I can get it printed into a book to keep for all eternity and torture my kid(s) with. I also think that people feel less lonely when you’re willing to be honest about your own human experience.
I blog mostly to amuse myself, and that’s exactly the way it should be.
January 10th, 2009 at 1:10 pm
let’s face it, we comment because we wanna be just like you Beej! You reek awesomeness! To be associated with the Great Beej…well, that is all we can ever aspire to…especially since you’ve got the Big Bean and he probably won’t share, except with other legumes. You are cool!
Jimh.s last blog post..FFFF-MEEEEEE!!!!!!!
January 10th, 2009 at 1:27 pm
I love you, and i totally give you adoration and a ticker tape parade.
Barbaras last blog post..9/365 – Cabin Fever
January 10th, 2009 at 2:20 pm
First time reading you. Thanks Queen of Shake Shake!
January 10th, 2009 at 4:56 pm
I’ve just gotten around to seeing a lot of the posts on posting. I have a post about the blog (in response to a lovely -NOT- email I got recently) ready to go, but with all of these other posts about posting about posting, I think I am going to put it off, because ya know, God forbid someone thinks I’m posting it just to be one of the pack. Oiy!
I’ve been back and forth on this entire blog thing. Like you, occasionally it pisses me off…then I cool down a bit and tell everyone to fuck off and I feel better. Well until the next time someone pisses me off. *lol*
About the awards…I suck at reciprocating them which makes me feel bad. But I rather like yours because they are….ORIGINAL! And now that I’ve said that, I’ve probably gone and pissed someone off who reads your blog (because you are awesome, so why shouldn’t they?), who has given me one of these awards. Can’t please em all I guess. Which is OK because I get in a hell of a lot LESS trouble when I concern myself with pleasing me. Just the same, if you ever feel compelled to award me the “Someone Needs to Explain This Shit” award…by all means, go for it, because often enough, I need someone to explain my own blog posts to me.
Auds at Barking Mads last blog post..Why? An Open Letter to the Vomit Faerie
January 10th, 2009 at 6:21 pm
Wanna makeout?
Seriously, I love this. I could write about what you wrote forever but to be honest, I can’t seem to go 2 minutes without barfing so this has to be short.
(That information probably turned you off the making out option, didn’t it? DAMMIT.)
Loralees last blog post..Today I feel like insurance companies are of the devil.
January 10th, 2009 at 10:14 pm
I gave you an award you ungrateful…Actually you deserve awards whether you want them or not and you might actually deserve more awards for not wanting awards for your awesome blog.
Beths last blog post..Friday fiction
January 10th, 2009 at 10:53 pm
so being 37,I don’t qualify for anything….but I do love reading your blog…..Austin is a great place (minus the traffic) hehehe….I can’t wait to go back (to visit, never lived there)
Amandas last blog post..Birthday #1 Songs….
January 10th, 2009 at 10:54 pm
umm and for those that can’t figure out the numbers rent the LOST series!
Amandas last blog post..Birthday #1 Songs….
January 11th, 2009 at 12:42 am
First timer here by way of a comment on someone else’s blog but I’m not sure whose because I’m apparently a click whore.
“I blog because I totally crack myself up most of the time” LMAO – I LOVE those types of posts. And the fact that you’re proud to admit it means that I will be spending the next hour or so reading through your past posts.
Chriss last blog post..Help A Fellow Blogger
January 11th, 2009 at 11:30 am
by any chance did you blog under a different same (sort of similar) 4 years ago?
January 11th, 2009 at 7:18 pm
Am I 42? Am I? For real??
~ms last blog post..Sunday Edition, Konglish Style
January 11th, 2009 at 9:33 pm
I don’t understand the FIRST! phenomenon. Maybe a long time ago it was an Olympic sport?
Marinkas last blog post..Gather around kids, mommy has a story for you!
January 12th, 2009 at 12:17 am
Hey, I just blogged about blogging but I swore that I didn’t want to or like to… um, blog about blogging about blogging.
I swear.
And let me assure you, any award from The Bloggess is more valuable than the Oscar of blog awards, so go for one of those. I’m quite sure she gives one out for farting or snozzing or beaning trolls. Whadya want?
Oh, the first commenter thing. I just twittered about that the other night. Totally don’t get that. Mostly because absolutely no one tries to be the first to comment on my blog. Damn it.
Megan {Velveteen Mind}s last blog post..Dick and Jane: A Ghost Letter
January 12th, 2009 at 12:24 am
By the way, I had no idea that people were blogging about blogging right now (I read the other comments after I blabbed all over mine up there) and now feel like a total loser.
Bullshit, indeed. Man, I knew I shouldn’t go all meta. Man. This is where writing in your blog as though it’s your diary bites you in the butt.
Is there an award for that? Self-butt-biting?
Megan {Velveteen Mind}s last blog post..Dick and Jane: A Ghost Letter
January 12th, 2009 at 9:51 am
So if you comment on blogs you like, and you haven’t commented on my blog in a hundred years, the logical conclusion is:
1) I haven’t written a decent entry in a hundred years? (Highly possible.)
2) I’m not popular enough for you to bother with anymore? (So highly possible that I can’t even take offense.)
3) You just no longer like me. (Totally highly possible, you mean, shallow bitch.)
4) You are punishing me because I always read your entries three days late and thus my comments always come in after the conversation has moved on and, thus, I’m like that person in the movie theater who keeps getting distracted by getting Raisinets out of the box and then asking loudly, “Wait, WHAT JUST HAPPENED?”
Like how I made this all about me? It’s a specialty. I’ll take my “I Suck” badge and go.
(Also, I hate those “FIRST!” people with a passion.)
Alias Mothers last blog post..It’s not post recycling. It’s UPDATING.
January 12th, 2009 at 10:04 am
I never understood the “racing to be first to comment” phenomenon. To be honest, if it’s a blog at which I am a newcomer, the *last* thing I want to be is the first one to comment–probably because those old high school insecurities pipe up with “you know the author is wondering who in the HELL this schmuck is.” And if it’s someone I actually know in real life or whose blog I have been visiting a long time, I really don’t care if I’m first, last or otherwise.
January 12th, 2009 at 10:54 am
I love your bitchiness…
this buddy of mines last blog post..This Buddy of Mine Shout Out
January 12th, 2009 at 10:55 am
oh…and where do I download the 49th commenter badge?
this buddy of mines last blog post..This Buddy of Mine Shout Out
January 12th, 2009 at 2:36 pm
Hi, first time here, although I’ve seen you over at Cameron’s site heckling him (good job, by the way!) and I’m already commenting! Does that deserve an award? (Even if it does, I wouldn’t know how to upload it since I’m really bad at technical crap and my IT department consists of one person who is always on break and playing WoW.) Awesome post. Oh yeah, Text Imps sent me over!
Sprite’s Keepers last blog post..Pantry Raid
January 12th, 2009 at 4:11 pm
Why wouldn’t you want to come first? Being first is important. Because sometimes they just drop off to sleep and your left laying there, trying to remember if you still have that hunting knife in the nightstand, feeling that frustration, wondering if you should hire a cabana boy…
Oh you meant “comments”… you said comment first… I get it, I’m kinda slow.
Chris Os last blog post..Rodents Of Unusual Size – R.O.U.S.
January 12th, 2009 at 4:40 pm
I loved this post but for some odd reason really, really want the I SUCK badge. Just looking at it makes me smile behind my office computer.
mommypies last blog post..Doogs Weekend #11: First Celebricrush
January 12th, 2009 at 10:06 pm
Did you see how Tina Fey called her trolls out at the Golden Globes? We should all have a national TV forum with which to do the same. I believe then, the world would be a better place. Well, after stopping wars and feeding the hungry.
San Diego Mommas last blog post..My Awesome Things Series
January 13th, 2009 at 9:47 am
I only read blogs that I love. Yours is one.
Trenches of Mommyhoods last blog post..Delurk!
January 13th, 2009 at 1:17 pm
Clearly I am not *first* since this post is dated 1/9/09 and I am like number whatever, but I was here yesterday which was 1/12/09 and this post wasn’t here, or I was drunk and just didn’t see it. Either way, I love you and thanks for the “I suck” badge, because clearly, I do.
kailas last blog post..what a boy eats
January 13th, 2009 at 3:55 pm
seriously…what the fuck is up with the whole “first” thing???!?
alis last blog post..since i love jumping! and i see a good bandwagon!
January 14th, 2009 at 7:20 pm
I want a batch. I mean badge. I mean fladge. Just give it to me. Now.
vanessas last blog post..Viva la Revolution