You think I’M quirky?  I’ve got NUTHIN on Steph from The Stephord Diaries.  She is THE original Quirky Blogger — it’s in her URL and everything so you know it’s true. 

Steph claims to be some kind of super bad ass knitting Jedi. Not many people can pull that off, you know.  She also uses abbreviations like “IDK” and “FML” so you just KNOW she’s super cool.  (I STILL don’t know what “FML” means, unless she’s referring to the Family Medical Leave Act.). And she apparently knows WAY more about the dominatrix arts than she should.

She’s also my very favorite minion. Of all my minions.  All one of them. 

(Note to self: Get more minions.)

Anyway, I told you guys to send me your rad shit, and like any half-decent minion, she did.  This is her guest post.  It is awesome.  SHE is awesome. 

(I FUCKING LOVE MINIONS.)

*****

So. Um. Yeah. Beej asked for people to…well, she wasn’t really specific. She was all Miss I’m-Writing-A-Book-Because-I-Have-To Pants, and somewhere during all that, she was like, “And oh yeah, could all of you fabulous motherfuckers please send me some rad shit to post so I can focus on this book before it beats the life out of me with a cat o’ nine tails and some edible panties because apparently I don’t get to know the safety word which would make the book, yanno, BACK OFF A LITTLE?” because I guess the book she’s writing is some crazy dominatrix…shit, maybe it’s ABOUT a crazy dominatrix? IDK. All I know is that Beej said to send her something to make her laugh, so that’s what I’m doing. Because I’m her stalker/minion. Because I kind of love her more than is probably healthy or normal. Except is there a love that’s outside the bounds of normal when it comes to stalkers/minions? I mean, they’re pretty much SUPPOSED to worship their stalkee/minion-master (and what’s the appropriate word there? My mistress? My boss? IDK. Help me out), right? But I digress.

The hard part of this is that when I’m writing to be funny, I’m never fucking funny. I always wind up making some fucking Star Wars or Atari or Isaac Asimov reference that leaves people going, “WTF is wrong with her?” Except the geeks. Geeks fucking LOVE me. They think I’m HILARIOUS. Which…fine, because I’m a geek, too. But don’t spread it around. I have a rep to maintain as one BADASS beeyotch. Or as a SAHM who knits which is TOTALLY FUCKING BADASS, AND WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME ANYWAY, FUCKER?!?

Sorry. I knew sooner or later this would descend into some crazy, random bullshit that would have me all “DON’T JUDGE ME” even though you know, no one is saying a fucking word to me because hello? All alone at my computer, only noise is the clattering (clittering?) of my keyboard, but I’m still 99% certain that some telepath is out there picking my brain to see this post and is all, “OMG. Bitch should just shut up already.” I’m very sure that anyone who’s read the damn thing is saying that. So yeah. I’ll stop now.

Wait – one last thing. Beej is not responsible for anything I said here. She is not the blogger whom you should blame. :Jedi mindtrick wave: SEE? It’s like I can’t even help myself. FML.

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10 Responses to “The Stephord Diaries: A Guest Post That Doesn’t Suck”

  1. BTW anymore acronyms and this post would read more like my 13 yr old’s text messages. Without my trusty Urban Dictionary I’d just be SOL!

    Chris Os last blog post..This is not a public service announcement and no animals were harmed in the making of this blog post

  2. What is FML?! Please help. I’m just not that cool.

  3. You killed me with ~ I’m still 99% certain that some telepath is out there picking my brain to see this post and is all, “OMG. Bitch should just shut up already.” ~ That is SO awesome!! Made my eyes squeeze out laughter tears and everything!

    And can I just say, that it is the random shit, that is always the best…can I say that?

    I too need to know what FML is…and there is more that I need to know. I try, I honestly do…I try very hard to decode them…but I am not cool enough to figure that shit out. Sorry…it’s the lame in me…can’t help it!

    Harmonys last blog post..Twitter…are you addicted?

  4. Heh. You said clittering.

  5. I second derfina

    I’m all beavis and butthead over here…uh huh clittering uh huh, yeah.

    staciesmadnesss last blog post..Is the grass ever greener?

  6. FML???

    You had me at Isaac Asimov – does that make me a geek too?

  7. “she doesn’t know the safety word” – HA! That is hilarious!!!

    Amy @ Milk Breath & Margaritass last blog post..Blissdom 09: Nashville Shopping

  8. Clittering is my new favorite word. Masturbation is such an ugly, heavy word, but clittering sounds fun and festive!

    Heather, Queen of Shake Shakes last blog post..Blog Comments: the daily dose of Vitamin D via sunshine up your ass

  9. Chris O – In addition to being a knitting Jedi, I have mad acronym skillz, yo. What can I say?

    Melanie and Harmony – FML = Fuck My Life. http://fmylife.com Go. Have fun. But come back and read Beej’s blog sometimes. (Mine too.)

    derfina and staciesmadness – Yeah. It’s like I don’t even have control over what comes out of my keyboard sometimes.

    Kaila – No. Isaac Asimov is effing cool, and anyone who doesn’t think so is a dork. Which is way worse than being a mere geek.

    Amy – I thought everyone knew about safety words, but apparently, no. DOES NO ONE WATCH CSI ANYMORE?! That’s where I learned about it. I swear. No, really.

    Heather – I’m happy if I can help make conversations more fun and festive. And if you get to use clittering in an everyday conversation anytime soon, please let me know. That will make my whole life. Or at least my week. Whatever.

    Stephs last blog post..Tuesday is the new Monday.

  10. I’m one of your minions. But you already knew that.

    I love FML, although I don’t believe that 99% of them are actually true.

    Melanies last blog post../snicker

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