Steph claims to be some kind of super bad ass knitting Jedi. Not many people can pull that off, you know. She also uses abbreviations like “IDK” and “FML” so you just KNOW she’s super cool. (I STILL don’t know what “FML” means, unless she’s referring to the Family Medical Leave Act.). And she apparently knows WAY more about the dominatrix arts than she should.
She’s also my very favorite minion. Of all my minions. All one of them.
(Note to self: Get more minions.)
Anyway, I told you guys to send me your rad shit, and like any half-decent minion, she did. This is her guest post. It is awesome. SHE is awesome.
(I FUCKING LOVE MINIONS.)
So. Um. Yeah. Beej asked for people to…well, she wasn’t really specific. She was all Miss I’m-Writing-A-Book-Because-I-Have-To Pants, and somewhere during all that, she was like, “And oh yeah, could all of you fabulous motherfuckers please send me some rad shit to post so I can focus on this book before it beats the life out of me with a cat o’ nine tails and some edible panties because apparently I don’t get to know the safety word which would make the book, yanno, BACK OFF A LITTLE?” because I guess the book she’s writing is some crazy dominatrix…shit, maybe it’s ABOUT a crazy dominatrix? IDK. All I know is that Beej said to send her something to make her laugh, so that’s what I’m doing. Because I’m her stalker/minion. Because I kind of love her more than is probably healthy or normal. Except is there a love that’s outside the bounds of normal when it comes to stalkers/minions? I mean, they’re pretty much SUPPOSED to worship their stalkee/minion-master (and what’s the appropriate word there? My mistress? My boss? IDK. Help me out), right? But I digress.
The hard part of this is that when I’m writing to be funny, I’m never fucking funny. I always wind up making some fucking Star Wars or Atari or Isaac Asimov reference that leaves people going, “WTF is wrong with her?” Except the geeks. Geeks fucking LOVE me. They think I’m HILARIOUS. Which…fine, because I’m a geek, too. But don’t spread it around. I have a rep to maintain as one BADASS beeyotch. Or as a SAHM who knits which is TOTALLY FUCKING BADASS, AND WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME ANYWAY, FUCKER?!?
Sorry. I knew sooner or later this would descend into some crazy, random bullshit that would have me all “DON’T JUDGE ME” even though you know, no one is saying a fucking word to me because hello? All alone at my computer, only noise is the clattering (clittering?) of my keyboard, but I’m still 99% certain that some telepath is out there picking my brain to see this post and is all, “OMG. Bitch should just shut up already.” I’m very sure that anyone who’s read the damn thing is saying that. So yeah. I’ll stop now.
Wait – one last thing. Beej is not responsible for anything I said here. She is not the blogger whom you should blame. :Jedi mindtrick wave: SEE? It’s like I can’t even help myself. FML.Stumble it!