So today is my little Bean’s birthday and I’m not really sure what to say about that except HAPPY BIRTHDAY, LITTLE BEAN and also, Congratulations to me and the Big Bean for not fucking things up too badly over the last three years. If you had asked me on this day three years ago what kind of kid he would turn out to be, I probably would have said “Seriously? I just gave birth, I can’t feel my left leg, and THERE ARE STITCHES IN MY VAGINA, and you’re asking me what kind of kid he’s going to be? Fuck off and let me get some sleep” but then after I had a nap and got the feeling back in my leg I probably would have said “Beats the shit out of me.”
I was just so shocked that I even HAD one of these baby things, it was anybody’s guess. But I certainly would NEVER have thought that he could possibly be this awesome.
My whole life, I’ve never been so terrified of anything as I was of having this kid. And my whole life, I’ve never loved anything more. Nothing even comes close to touching it with a thousand-foot pole.
I don’t like to think of this as a “mommy blog” because so many negative connotations come along with that term and also because I’m pretty sure I’ve written about too many things like dildo helmets and assholes with haystacky eyebrows to qualify. I tend to shy away from posts about my amazing kid because (1) I don’t need to rub it in and (2) most other moms who write about their kids incessantly bore the shit out of me and (3) I’ve seen far too many of them come under the gun by those anonymous troll fuckers to think I would escape unscathed, and my skin is FAR too thin to handle something like that. So now I write about my friends’ boobs and my own freakishly tiny head instead, and I’m okay with that – in fact, I really like it that way.
But today? Today I am PROUD to say that I am this kid’s mommy and this is MY blog and I am using it without a single reservation or second thought to say I LOVE YOU, LITTLE BEAN. You are the very best thing that has ever, ever happened to me and I count my blessings Every. Single. Day to have you in my life. You are funny and thoughtful and spectacular and you absolutely take my breath away. I don’t know what I ever did to deserve you but I am eternally grateful to this wonderful universe of ours that something like you can exist in it.
The last three years have been the most rewarding and fulfilling of my life, and the only regret I have is that I can’t go back in time and do them ALL OVER AGAIN.
I love you more than the stars and the moon and the earth and everything on it, and I wish you the very very best birthday of all birthdays in the history of birthdays. Thank you, thank you, THANK YOU for being mine.
P.S. Just to balance out the “mommy blogging” universe, I wrote a guest post for my friend John over at Living With Balls the other day. Guess what I wrote about. (Hint: BALLS.)Stumble it!