Bejewell on February 14th, 2011
  1. Traffic
  2. My hair
  3. Shitty Grammy Award recaps
  4. Valentine’s Day
  5. This fucking dog
  6. The number of people who keep telling me how “underrated” my blog is
  7. Twitter
  8. People who ignore me on Twitter
  9. Facebook
  10. People who ignore me on Facebook
  11. Sugar highs
  12. Sugar lows
  13. THE FUCKING CHEERFUL HOLIDAY SWEATER LADY
  14. Overpriced bowling alleys
  15. Lady Antebellum
  16. Bruno Mars
  17. Austin radio stations, which won’t play anything today except Lady Antebellum and Bruno Mars because they won shitty Grammy Awards last night
  18. The pathetically low number of people following my new blog
  19. Ass kissers (excluded: myself; anyone kissing my ass)
  20. Home ownership
  21. My bank account
  22. The waistband of my pants
  23. People who use the word “synergy”
  24. The new lady in the cubicle next to me who is very nice but apparently has tuberculosis or something because she WILL NOT STOP COUGHING
  25. Laundry
  26. My dirty floors
  27. People who fart in the stairwell
  28. People who try to out-sarcastic me
  29. Girl Scouts and their DELICIOUS CRACK-SPRINKLED COOKIES GODDAMMIT
  30. My life

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18 Responses to “Things That Can Currently Suck It”

  1. This is great. Your blog is really underrated!

  2. How did you know I was in the stairwell?

  3. The only thing worse that people who use the word synergy is people who make it into an adjective and a verb. No, I don’t think we need to get all synerginistic to synergize today.

  4. Ditto on everything except for the dog and annoying co-workers, because I don’t have a dog and my only co-worker is me.

  5. Sing it, sister! Can I get an AMEN?!

  6. I love you because you hate VD Day almost as much as me.

  7. Emma-And-Sophie's-Mom
    February 14th, 2011 at 5:59 pm

    Farting in the stairwell is bad. Almost as bad as when your boss farts in his office, and then calls you in to give instructions. That’s really bad.

  8. So I shouldn’t tell you how fabulous your ass looks in those pants b/c that would be ass-kissing?

    I love the “what???!” look on the dog’s face.

  9. Yes, yes, yes, and yes. To all of them. Except for Bruno Mars. I kinda like his tunes. Other than that, you are right on, lady.

  10. Oh, wonderful Beej, you fulfill my need for a smartass in every post. You rock.

    Maybe you should try a catchy name…you might get more followers. When I sub, I tell the kids they can call me by my name, or they can call me Mister H. if that’s to hard, or they can call me Mr. Awesome, or “Oh, Great One, but IF they do call my “Oh, Great One,” they must bow and also say, “we’re not worthy!” Now, I am called Mr. Awesome almost exclusively and other substitute teachers are jealous.

  11. My sarcasm is tired tonight, so there’s no way I could even try to out-sarcastic you. I’d like to thank you, though, for writing a blog post for me because this feels like my life at the moment.

  12. I frigging hate holiday sweaters…hate them with a passion and want to physically harm people who wear them.

    That dog…don’t even get my started after cleaning up millions of poopsicles in the yard. Why do we get dogs again???

    I don’t understand Twitter or I certainly wouldn’t ignore you…you don’t seem like the type to let people ignore you!

  13. Do you think if we fused your dog and my dog it would remove the asshole tendencies?

  14. I’ll tell you a little secret. When my husband and I used to work together, I farted in my office. He walked in and said, “It smells like Beefaroni in here!” I laughed, because I don’t eat Beefaroni, ever!

  15. But you can always get a haircut…

    “There a few things that a good haircut and good posture won’t cure.”

    And I will continue to kiss your butt and tell you that your blog is underrated. Also, continue to ignore you on twitter, too.

  16. he he he, you are so funny! I have a fucking dog, that sucks it too. Barking during nap time is FORBIDDEN when will he get that?

  17. Is it too late to add something that can also suckit? Mother Nature can suck it, that bitch. She tried to burn down my house! Fortunately, some excellent firefighters thwarted her best efforts. I mean, what are the odds of a raging brush fire in Maryland in February? That wasn’t even on my list of things that keep me awake at night. Sheesh.

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