- Traffic
- My hair
- Shitty Grammy Award recaps
- Valentine’s Day
- This fucking dog
- The number of people who keep telling me how “underrated” my blog is
- People who ignore me on Twitter
- People who ignore me on Facebook
- Sugar highs
- Sugar lows
- THE FUCKING CHEERFUL HOLIDAY SWEATER LADY
- Overpriced bowling alleys
- Lady Antebellum
- Bruno Mars
- Austin radio stations, which won’t play anything today except Lady Antebellum and Bruno Mars because they won shitty Grammy Awards last night
- The pathetically low number of people following my new blog
- Ass kissers (excluded: myself; anyone kissing my ass)
- Home ownership
- My bank account
- The waistband of my pants
- People who use the word “synergy”
- The new lady in the cubicle next to me who is very nice but apparently has tuberculosis or something because she WILL NOT STOP COUGHING
- Laundry
- My dirty floors
- People who fart in the stairwell
- People who try to out-sarcastic me
- Girl Scouts and their DELICIOUS CRACK-SPRINKLED COOKIES GODDAMMIT
- My life
Stumble it!
February 14th, 2011 at 3:36 pm
This is great. Your blog is really underrated!
February 14th, 2011 at 3:54 pm
How did you know I was in the stairwell?
February 14th, 2011 at 4:01 pm
The only thing worse that people who use the word synergy is people who make it into an adjective and a verb. No, I don’t think we need to get all synerginistic to synergize today.
February 14th, 2011 at 4:02 pm
Ditto on everything except for the dog and annoying co-workers, because I don’t have a dog and my only co-worker is me.
February 14th, 2011 at 4:04 pm
Sing it, sister! Can I get an AMEN?!
February 14th, 2011 at 5:29 pm
I love you because you hate VD Day almost as much as me.
February 14th, 2011 at 5:59 pm
Farting in the stairwell is bad. Almost as bad as when your boss farts in his office, and then calls you in to give instructions. That’s really bad.
February 14th, 2011 at 7:23 pm
So I shouldn’t tell you how fabulous your ass looks in those pants b/c that would be ass-kissing?
I love the “what???!” look on the dog’s face.
February 14th, 2011 at 7:35 pm
Yes, yes, yes, and yes. To all of them. Except for Bruno Mars. I kinda like his tunes. Other than that, you are right on, lady.
February 14th, 2011 at 9:27 pm
Oh, wonderful Beej, you fulfill my need for a smartass in every post. You rock.
Maybe you should try a catchy name…you might get more followers. When I sub, I tell the kids they can call me by my name, or they can call me Mister H. if that’s to hard, or they can call me Mr. Awesome, or “Oh, Great One, but IF they do call my “Oh, Great One,” they must bow and also say, “we’re not worthy!” Now, I am called Mr. Awesome almost exclusively and other substitute teachers are jealous.
February 14th, 2011 at 10:40 pm
My sarcasm is tired tonight, so there’s no way I could even try to out-sarcastic you. I’d like to thank you, though, for writing a blog post for me because this feels like my life at the moment.
February 15th, 2011 at 7:04 am
I frigging hate holiday sweaters…hate them with a passion and want to physically harm people who wear them.
That dog…don’t even get my started after cleaning up millions of poopsicles in the yard. Why do we get dogs again???
I don’t understand Twitter or I certainly wouldn’t ignore you…you don’t seem like the type to let people ignore you!
February 15th, 2011 at 5:23 pm
Do you think if we fused your dog and my dog it would remove the asshole tendencies?
February 17th, 2011 at 8:16 am
I’ll tell you a little secret. When my husband and I used to work together, I farted in my office. He walked in and said, “It smells like Beefaroni in here!” I laughed, because I don’t eat Beefaroni, ever!
February 17th, 2011 at 5:02 pm
But you can always get a haircut…
“There a few things that a good haircut and good posture won’t cure.”
And I will continue to kiss your butt and tell you that your blog is underrated. Also, continue to ignore you on twitter, too.
February 18th, 2011 at 12:18 am
he he he, you are so funny! I have a fucking dog, that sucks it too. Barking during nap time is FORBIDDEN when will he get that?
February 22nd, 2011 at 7:22 pm
Is it too late to add something that can also suckit? Mother Nature can suck it, that bitch. She tried to burn down my house! Fortunately, some excellent firefighters thwarted her best efforts. I mean, what are the odds of a raging brush fire in Maryland in February? That wasn’t even on my list of things that keep me awake at night. Sheesh.