Bejewell on August 28th, 2014

If you’re currently growing out your facial hair and considering the Full Beard + No Mustache option — but you’re unsure if this is the right look for you — please ask yourself the following questions:

1.  Are you Amish?

2. Are you Abraham Lincoln?

3. Are you a leprechaun?

4. Are you Uncle Sam?

5. Are you a Klingon?

If you answered “yes” to one or more of the above questions, this look is totally appropriate for you.

If you answered “no” to all of the above, but have already grown your facial hair out to this unfortunate style — Heads up, dude. You look like a garden gnome.


Bonus Round:

In which of the following situations is a “chin strap” appropriate?

Next Edition: Mutton chops.

Until then…

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13 Responses to “The Cosmo Quiz: Facial Hair Edition”

  1. Ha! I think you should provide photos of any offenders…I sense you have one in mind :)

  2. As usual, you are a fart in an otherwise fresh breeze! That’s what we love about you!

    I was on the verge of shaving my mustache, but you clinched it, I’ll keep it! You are a fashion goddess! Thank you!

  3. Was this inspired by a visit to Progress Coffee?

  4. Melissa,
    i think the offender ij the first section might be me, or at least some subliminal dig at my weakass beard.

  5. oops: “in the first section: fat fingers.

  6. More people need this information. Facial hair kills. Or at least creeps me out.

  7. Yes, I completely agree with you. Every man needs to read this.

  8. Every winter my husband grows out his beard and then shaves it off in various ways for entertainment. Last year he went through a short phase of this look. Short, I say. SHORT. But still not short enough.

  9. Next week, will you speak on the soul patch?

    Thank you

  10. 1. Alexandra. There’s only one thing to say about the soul patch: NO.

    2. Beej? I was TOTALLY expecting to see a picture of Christian Bale is his bearded Oscar glory. With a circle, and a line through it. SO DISAPPOINTED.

  11. Shit. I’m a garden gnome.

  12. So funny :) Love your blog!

  13. If you

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