Bejewell on August 19th, 2011

THINGS I IMAGINE MYSELF DOING WITH THE $100 BILL I JUST FOUND

1. Purchase a large collection of inappropriate, offensive t-shirts. Wear a different one each day to daycare pick-up.

2. Search iTunes for the word “douche” and download every item with that word in the title until money runs out.

3. Professionally photographed Facebook profile picture, wearing a ball gown, tiara and elaborate up-do, looking severe.

4. Prominent gold tooth.

5. Finally find out what happens in the Champagne Room.

6. Take a random homeless guy on a sunset river cruise.

7. $100 reward to the first person who can guess what’s in the box.

8.Cock fight.

9. One-hour limo ride to any place that’s one hour away. Call mom to pick me up.

10. Start with a fifth of Jack and a carton of Marlboros, and see where the night takes me.

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THINGS I WILL ACTUALLY DO WITH THE $100 BILL I JUST FOUND

1. Pay Sprint $100.

2. Still owe Sprint $84.

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10 Responses to “$100 Bill”

  1. Dude, I’d totally go for the gold tooth!

  2. Being responsible sucks – I would have wanted to buy the inappropriate t-shirts but like you would have ended up paying a bill. Sort of negates the joy of finding $100

  3. I’m impressed about finding a $100 bill! I’d want for you to have the t-shirts. Having to pay bills sucks.

  4. i did number 4 from 1953 until 1961, except it was silver, not gold. absolutely not worth it. i wanted to look like that really bad picture of William Bounty. Then i could have shot Sprint.

  5. I lost a hundred dollar bill at the Farmers Market a few weeks ago! I felt like such an idiot that I haven’t told a soul, and I’ve just been hoping that whoever found it needed it more than me. Like, for those t-shirts. That’s a totally awesome and necessary way to spend $100!

    As for the box, is that the box from Dune? Where the guy had to put his hand in and not pull it out to prove he was The One?

  6. a hundred bucks wouldn’t buy you a real gold tooth.

    I know this shit cause MY MOTHER had one in the eighties.

    And now you know why I am insane.

    Also, stop being so damn irresponsible. Fate gave you that cash to deposit in my paypal account for margaritas.

  7. As much as I’d love to say I’d treat myself to something fab, I think I’d have sent it off to my credit card company. Responsibility is for the birds.

  8. I love the t-shirt idea; it’s so fun and evil. I’m a nyc musician. One night on a gig at a beautiful hotel, a woman gave me a FAKE $100. bill as a joke and actually watched, with her teen age daughter, as I discovered the fact. Add her to your suck list.

  9. That’s the responsible thing to do.

    So happy you found it.

    Nice when cool stuff happens like this.

  10. There are $100 bills?????