Each one of the terms below has been used to find my blog in recent weeks, through Google or another search engine. I have categorized them for your easy reference. You’re welcome.

Before you browse, though, let me just clarify: EACH OF THESE WAS, AT SOME POINT, TYPED INTO A SEARCH ENGINE BY A HUMAN (OR POSSIBLY ALIEN) ENTITY SEARCHING FOR STUFF. And they found my blog. In some cases, I was probably exactly what they were looking for… in others, I can only imagine their tremendous sense of disappointment when they realized this wasn’t actually a web site dedicated to boobs, dildo helmets, midget porn, flexitarianism, unibrow fetishes, gray squirrels or Jesus.

But I am grateful to them all for visiting, even if it was just for a moment.  And I hope the ones searching for answers find them. (Particularly that one whose boobs apparently smell like old fruit. Good luck to you, friend.)


Category 1: Welcome to My Life

  • showing boobs to random strangers
  • Jesus wants to screw me
  • what do you wear to a sex toy party?
  • “too lazy to pluck my unibrow”
  • oh yoo hoo, has anyone seen my sanity?
  • my dumbass wife loses her keys all the time
  • about what my husband doesn’t know, the musical
  • I’m funny….but only in my head.
  • like to fuck with my husband on facebook
  • nobody gives a shit
  • bag of poop on fire
  • valentine’s day is a bullshit holiday
  • how do I get people to follow my shitty twitter account
  • i hate the slowcooker
  • i can’t stop buying shit
  • blog about boogers and drugs and shit and stuff
  • I do most of my thinking while other people are talkng
  • i’m so confused
  • im like jesus only sexier
  • WHY ARE People fascinated by me

Category 2: Awesome Typos and Misspellerings

  • grose vigina dieseses
  • lemon tree very petty
  • letters to my grandson for conformitation
  • celebrity dutchbags
  • happy walentine day
  • goodbuy hug
  • me in my underware
  • geneticly engeneered giant cockroaches
  • pictures of ponytales
  • vaggazling
  • cokkaroaches!!!
  • some bith unfriended me
  • coachroaches have fangs?
  • what does whale viginas smell like?
  • sweet litter to my son
  • the musical fruitey blog

Category 3: The Wiener Obsession Continues

  • weiner gum
  • wieners for sale in venus
  • big weiners
  • I hate weiner dogs theyre so mean
  • weiner stuck in sleeve

Category 4: Who ever said romance is dead?

  • ohmygodiloveher
  • what is love? apparently I don’t know
  • romance makes me angry
  • how i fuck on my vacation trip
  • is it safe to suck a penis
  • unibrow fetish
  • im gay because i love cock
  • 1 800 dildo
  • may I suck your Breasts

Category 5: My midget friend will be so happy to know he’s still relevant

  • naked midgets
  • how to get midget friends
  • midget in a refrigerator
  • where is some good midget porn
  • midgets standing in giant panties
  • i need a midget

Category 6: There’s some really weird shit happening out there with forks

  • what are all these tiny forks for
  • what it means when all the forks missing in your house
  • where do my forks go? they just disappear
  • Don’t use forks
  • I only want to buy forks
  • gnomes stealing forks
  • fork porn

Category 7: People with real problems

  • i’m in a musical and my bangs get sweaty
  • i hate when people say tgif
  • what ate my underwear bed bugs
  • insicure about my unibrow
  • nothing says evil like assless chaps
  • Albuquerque hard to spell
  • i kind of think I want a dildo
  • my chiropractor makes me feel weird
  • is makeup made of ground up cockroach wings
  • my head is unusually small
  • Why does my boobs smell like old fruit
  • people make fun of my underwear
  • that bitch Karen
  • i love facebook yet i hate it
  • you can’t always be the cats ass
  • how do I buy my wife new boobs
  • why did you buy a bag of shit
  • can you rock the ponytail man
  • how can i get 35 bucks
  • how can i get my therapist to talk to me
  • why wont a dildo go in
  • “I don’t think I can hold it”
  • accidentally gave boss porn
  • My head is shaped like a weiner
  • what is this in my underwear

category 8: Covering all the (totally random) bases

  • flexitarian lesbian
  • girl farts and sneezes
  • twisty mustache and sunscreen
  • purple sweater blowjob
  • poem for kitchen towel of the month
  • cannibalism is the new black
  • shamu sucks boobies
  • cowboys suck dolphins are awesome
  • Feather-haired douchebags
  • dildo helmet rock climbing
  • Flexsexual
  • shel silverstein was a very busy dude
  • ryan seacrest has a small head
  • billy ray cyrus huge mullet
  • assholes and bubblegum
  • sweating plastic pants for husband
  • kitchen sink
  • Share/Bookmark
Stumble it!

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5 Responses to “Latest Search Terms: Weiners, Midgets, Missing Forks and That Bitch Karen”

  1. Look. I know Karen, and she IS a little crabby. Bitch? I don’t know. Sometimes.
    Well, yeah. She’s a bitch.
    Also she has a unibrow, so I bet she was the one who searched for that.
    And you didn’t hear this from me, but she’s a flexitarian and likes girls.

  2. i think you are somehow kin to DH Lawrence, whom i admire but hope it’s on your mother’s side.

  3. Karen is a bitch! God! And weiner poop? Like the poop of a weiner dog? Or the poop you take after eating hot dogs? So many questions!

  4. I bet that flexsexual bitch Karen has all the forks.

  5. I wonder if Karen is the one whose head is shaped like a wiener.

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