1. Very carefully.

2. Through those glasses with the tiny holes in them that you wear when there’s an eclipse.

3. On TiVO.

4. Like a boss.

4. Via proxy server, so it’s anonymous. (Sometimes I leave a tacky comment, too.)

5.Like rain, on my wedding day.

6. Like a free ride, when I’m already there.

7. Like some good advice that I just didn’t take.


Now fuck off and stop leaving shit on my door.


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5 Responses to “Possible Answers for the Person Who Keeps Leaving This Stupid Pamphlet on My Door”

  1. It could be a contest. You should circle one and put it back on your doorstep. Maybe you’ll win a toaster or something. Or it could be one of those personality quizzes where there is no right answer, like if you pick the baby it means you’re a nurturer, the dying man means you’re hopelessly depressed, and exalted king means you’re a narcissist with delusions of grandeur. If that’s the case, do a write in answer like “armadillo”.

  2. Guess who got the same pamphlet today? Me. Now I’m afraid.

  3. They just leave it on your door?

    Here in Oz they bring small wide eyed children with them so you have to be polite when you tell them to please remove themselves from your property or you will release the hounds.

  4. Hahaha! I would write #2 on there and put it back out for them to take back next time!

  5. They don’t leave things, here. In fact, I think they view Casa de Crazy as a test for newbies in the proselytizing game – if they can survive us, they’re golden.

    I’m always polite. I smile. Sometimes I even let them do their whole speech. Then I tell them I’m pagan and plan on dying that way, but I hope they have a blessed day. If they don’t take the hint, I escalate. They get a version of the “Other People” treatment (http://www.paganlibrary.com/fu.....people.php). If THAT doesn’t work I applaud their fortitude and tell them my baby just pooped herself and unless they want to change her nappy, our chat is over. Poop trumps Jesus every time.

    Thank you for the laugh!

    Shade and Sweetwater,

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