ME: Are you ready for some amazing news?
BIG BEAN: Oh, lord.
ME: No, really. This is fucking AMAZING.
BIG BEAN: Here we go.
ME: Wells Fargo has this new thing where you can take a PICTURE of a CHECK and send it in to deposit it!! You don’t even have to go to the bank or anything!! Isn’t that incredible? I mean, who knew?
BIG BEAN: Um, I knew, and everyone else knew, and all the other banks knew like two years ago.
BIG BEAN: I hate to tell you this, but other banks have been offering that service for years.
ME: No, they haven’t. If they had, I would have heard about it.
BIG BEAN: How would you have heard about it?
ME: On the news.
BIG BEAN: You don’t watch the news.
ME: Well, I read the Internet, and it would have been on the Internet.
BIG BEAN: You read the Internet?
ME: Well not the whole Internet, obviously. But I read some of the Internet. The part with the news.
BIG BEAN: You read the part of the Internet with the news?
BIG BEAN: So what did today’s news say?
ME: Today is Saturday.
BIG BEAN: Yes, it is.
ME: I don’t read the Internet on Saturdays. I take Saturdays off.
BIG BEAN: Okay then, what was yesterday’s news?
ME: Well, yesterday they decided to cancel the New York City Marathon and everyone was really happy about that. And Joss Whedon made a funny video about how Mitt Romney will lead the country to a Zombie Apocalypse. There were some SUPER cute Halloween costumes this year, New York & Company is having a big sale on tops and a lot of people are really thankful for stuff this month.
BIG BEAN: You got all that from Facebook, didn’t you.
ME: Does it really matter?
BIG BEAN: Just make your deposit.
(end scene)Stumble it!