Bejewell on December 12th, 2012
  • The endless cycle of Beej’s hair: grow out, get bored, cut, cry, grow out, get bored, cut, cry, and so on
  • A “party” where you are expected to buy shit is NOT a party. It is a SALE.
  • Hiding Out and Soul Man: Proof that both racism and statutory rape were a lot funnier in the 80s
    • Side topic: Theories of post-80s life progression for Rae Dawn Chong

Rae Dawn tries not to be creeped out
by the strange white man who has been
painted brown and is now staring at her

Just, ew.

  • The fact that it’s possible to get a pimple after the age of 40 is one of life’s greatest Fuck Yous.
  • Pump Up the Volume was Christian Slater’s finest film – despite the presence of Samantha Mathis — and if you say otherwise I’ll punch you in the throat

Even shitty Samantha Mathis couldn’t ruin this for me

  • I have become convinced that I’m growing jowls
  • NOEL does not mean what I thought it meant
  • I want to adopt a potbellied pig and name it Amy Swinehouse, but I’m concerned this would seem disrespectful

  • My anagram name is BLEW THE JELLY and I think this is wonderful
  • How I walked into Home Depot for light bulbs and walked out with new blinds, a $500 gas grill, photos of a man with pomade in his hair and no light bulbs
  • What the fuck is this Daniel Tiger bullshit and how can we put a stop to it?

Mr. Rogers called, he wants his song back
(and for you to stop trampling on his memory, you
little striped shithead)

  • The multiple ways in which I continue to fuck up my life daily
  • Fart bubbles
  • Adam Carolla will never not be a douche

Douche Forever

  • Capri pants are a crime against humanity
  • Mean girl drama wasn’t cute in high school and it’s even less cute at age 40
  • Boob shrinkage

Obviously none of these ideas were good enough to publish on this here fine, highbrow blog. I passed them all up and wrote a poem about hair in my ass crack instead.

You’re welcome.


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3 Responses to “Recently Rejected Blog Post Topics”

  1. I want to read about all of these! Also, the poem made me cry damnit!

  2. Ditto. Looks to me like you’ve got the perfect editorial calendar right there. Thanks, too, for the anagram name link. Mine’s “Enjoy Finer.” I will take this to mean I am one of the finer things instead of as a message to leave my husband.

  3. Blythe, my husband & I are friends of your father. I’sure we have met over the years but I think you were very young then. I check out your site every once in awhile, especially when I need some cheering up. I just enjoy the shit you write about. The ass hair poem was
    hilarious. I didn’t know that was a problem for young’uns. Keep up the crazy writing & I’ll keep checking back now & then. Mary

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