I’m falling apart over here. Every day, I forget something else. Not my name, or to put on clean underwear or anything, but stuff like taking my vitamins or where I put those goddamned keys. Stuff that everybody forgets now and then, but when added up over time becomes a source of constant frustration and bewilderment.
The other day I went to lunch and managed to lose my car keys (again), my work ID badge, AND the back piece to my cell phone, all within ONE HOUR. I found the keys in a previously secret-to-me compartment in my purse and my work badge was found two buildings down (which I still don’t get At. All.) but my cell phone remained naked until the kind folks at Sprint replaced it for me, for free. Now someone out there has a very nice, totally useless piece of a BlackBerry. You’re welcome.
(Side note: I really wouldn’t classify forgetting where PLACES are as part of this phenomenon I’m experiencing – it’s true, the Big Bean is constantly baffled by my inability to remember how to get to the bank or some other place we go to ALL THE TIME, but I’ve always had that problem and truly I think it’s just the fact that when someone else is driving I don’t pay any attention to where we’re going because I’m either (a) making up little stories in my head about the people in the other cars and secretly hoping I’ll catch one of them picking their nose or (b) totally lost in thought about some random detail that’s caught my attention, like the fact that the color of the glove compartment door is slightly darker than the rest of the dash, or my fingernail has a crack in it that MUST BE PICKED AT.)
This memory loss problem of mine is also accompanied by a loss of hearing, which I don’t think is an actual loss of HEARING so much as a loss of the ability to LISTEN and PROCESS INFORMATION. I say “What?” a lot to the Big Bean and he has to repeat himself, which he finds exasperating and I can’t say I blame him. But often, after he says it again and I finally understand, it will occur to me that if I’d just stopped and thought about it for a second, I would have realized he was NOT saying “I think the Bean’s retarded” but actually “I think the Bean just farted,” which makes so much more sense and sadly, is something that’s said quite often in our house.
Also, I’ve become terrible at listening to other people talk. I’m usually pretty good for the first few seconds but then I realize that what they’re talking about really doesn’t have anything to do with ME, so my mind starts to wander and before you know it I’m lost in a fantasy world where Matt Damon is telling me how cute I am while we ride horses on the beach, which is really strange because I HATE riding horses, and I’m hearing absolutely NOTHING this person is saying to me at all.
Actually, that last part might just be my over-inflated ego.
I used to have a bunch of theories about why I can’t focus anymore, most of which involved the copious amounts of pot I smoked in my twenties, but now I’ve forgotten most of them, and I’m not saying that just to be funny. Although it is kind of ironic.
The theories I still remember are:
1. The Bean Killed My Brain.
I’ve really noticed a marked difference since the Bean came into my life. I don’t want to blame him for singlehandedly destroying my ability to think properly, but the timing does seem like an awfully suspicious “coincidence.” Also, I saw a segment on the Today Show once about something called “Mom-nesia,” which is supposed to be like regular amnesia (pretty sure that’s an oxymoron) but instead of forgetting stuff like your name and where you live, you forget everything that isn’t directly related to your kid. Like, you just tune everything else out because all you can think about is the kid.
I saw that and was all, “Look! That’s me! I’ve got Mom-nesia!” but the Big Bean hadn’t seen the segment I was talking about so he just stared at me blankly, which made me feel like maybe this was one of those times where I see something on TV and become absolutely convinced that it is happening or will happen to me too, like I did with that whole “a cat saved its owner from a burglar” episode of Ripley’s Believe It or Not (which I still fervently believe will happen if anyone ever breaks into our house), so I dropped it.
Besides, it HAS been almost a year and a half now since I had the Bean, and the problem’s decidedly NOT getting better, so maybe it’s time to start exploring other possibilities.
2. I’m Getting Old.
I really don’t think this is it. I mean, I’m in my mid-thirties now and sometimes that does feel pretty old, but in the grand scheme of things it’s really not and even if it was, I don’t think this is how the shit’s supposed to go down. I think it would be much more of a “forgetting names and places” kind of problem. I’m guessing most really old people don’t actually hear a voice in their head going “blah blah blah” when other people talk.
3. I’m Just Too Goddamned Smart.
I really don’t know that much about the brain, admittedly, but it seems like it would have a limit to the amount of information it is able to hold. I mean, it’s all gotta go somewhere, right? And I think my brain is already filled to capacity. I’ve just learned too much and now my brain is all, “Overload! Overload!” and it’s gone wonky.
I am just too fucking smart for my own good.
This one seems like the obvious choice to me, but the fact that I don’t know enough about how the brain works to know if it’s true *might* disprove the theory.
Then again, it might be all that pot I smoked.
Stumble it!
Tags: dumbass
September 6th, 2008 at 10:57 pm
no smot poking!
September 7th, 2008 at 8:01 am
it’s the mom-nesia. I have it pretty bad, myself.
The other day I was thinking I might like to go back to school, just for the hell of it…and after my husband looked at me all funny I realized that (a) I can’t concentrate on reading or writing anything longer than blog posts and (b) what was I talking about?
pgoodnesss last blog post..Soc(cer) it to me, baby!
September 7th, 2008 at 9:04 am
OK, keys and ID badge I get. But color me super duper curious as to how or why the back of your phone was missing.
Four theories of my own:
1: Early-onset Alzheimer’s is a rare form of dementia that strikes people younger than age 65.
2: Adult ADD (I’m placing my money and bets here).
3: Your placenta was attached to your pre-frontal lobe, which handles short-term memory. (Not your hippocampus, which handles long-term memory, because you remembered the Ripley’s episode.)
4: Something else.
WPoFDs last blog post..Nom Nom Nom
September 7th, 2008 at 11:19 am
I’ve recently realized that I can give people about 2 minutes of undivided attention, and after that, all bets are off. Yesterday, we had an insurance man at our house. Blah, blah, blah, coverage, blah, blah, blah, deductibles, blah, blah, blah term limits. A cute guy went buy our house on a motorcycle two minutes into the insurance guy talking, and by the time I came back into the conversation, I’m pretty sure my husband had upped my life insurance premium and was asking the rep if he knew any hot, needy women he could marry once he ‘took care of me.’
foradifferentkindofgirl (FADKOG)s last blog post..‘you got the teeth of the hydra upon you’
September 7th, 2008 at 11:43 am
I have my own theory, since I can’t carry on a normal conversation to save my life (might be why I get shunned at social gatherings?). Anyway, it’s common knowledge that your brain cells shrink in size when you get pregnant, up to 30%, and are supposed to plump back up within a few months of giving birth. I think us previous pot smokers damaged the part of the brain cell that plumps back up. We are forever going to have 30% less of our brain cells. Operating at 70% is like remembering how to drive, just not where you’re going. That’s where that little hand held recorder comes in handy.
Mamaspheres last blog post..A Rediscovered Pleasure
September 7th, 2008 at 11:44 am
I hate the moment after the person stops talking, and then you realise you’re meant to answer, and you have to balance whether they’re looking for a ‘yes’ or a ‘no’, or worst of all, a question that demands more than simply a positive or negative response. My favourite is to go ‘mmm’ and vaguely nod, and hope they expand more on their problem so I can pay attention. Invariably, I’ll zone out again and the whole problem goes on a loop.
I forgot what the beginning of my comment said.
Razs last blog post..Ground Level
September 7th, 2008 at 12:22 pm
Surely it’s not the pot!!! I never smoked any and I have the same problem. The hearing thing too. I think men have an uncanny ability of not talking but mumbling to the nearest wall. My DH is famous for sitting in another room and asking me a question while he is facing the opposite direstion of where I am, and then he gets mad cause I say “huh?”.
Danas last blog post..Last Day to Enter
September 7th, 2008 at 12:36 pm
I have a theory about your problem. Of course, since it’s a conspiracy theory, I can’t share it here in case they hear me.
WaltzInExiles last blog post..Fissiparous
September 7th, 2008 at 12:43 pm
I doubt it’s the pot, since I smoked minimal amounts and I have the same problem.
I always assume it is because the other people are boring. If they would say or do something interesting for a change, I might pay attention.
Alias Mothers last blog post..Truthfully, I think it’s a question a lot of people would like to ask
September 7th, 2008 at 2:05 pm
It’s totally the weed.
Because that’s the downfall of today’s youth and all…
I actually think that if I HADN’T smoked it up in my twenties (and some in the thirties, and a little bit last week) I might forget so much more!
I also think parents and – okay I’m going to say it at the risk of sounding sexist- moms of all kinds (single, SAH, working) have more to keep up with now than they ever had before. Some basic things are bound to slip every once in a while.
I’m a 6 GB girl in a 64 GB world, ya know?
BookMammas last blog post..Boy Briefs, the Hodgepodge Version
September 7th, 2008 at 3:47 pm
I too suffer from similar symptoms of foggy-brained-ness. I attribute it to several causes.
1. Sleep deprivation – the fact that I constantly zapped of energy — energy your brain needs to stay focused
2. Being Over Extended – how many things can one mind juggle at one time?
3. My kids stole the best of my brain cells during pregnancy
I just try to keep my sense of humor about my forgetfulness
Did you know that there is a real medical disorder called “Brain Fog”? Google it…
There is also a book about this… we are not alone!
Female and Forgetful: A Six-Step Program to Help Restore Your Memory and Sharpen Your Mind
by Elisa Lottor
nicoles last blog post..“Don’t Should on Yourself”
September 7th, 2008 at 3:58 pm
I firmly believe my kids have killed more of my brain cells than anything I ever did in college!
Christinas last blog post..Randomness from the land of scarecrows
September 7th, 2008 at 6:06 pm
I have the same problemo. I am working in a place now with a big, multi-storied parking garage and every day I have the hardest time remembering where I parked my car by the time I retrieve it, even if I retrieve it during lunch.
I hear it takes two years for the fog of Mommy brain to clear.
So you have plenty of time to enjoy that as an excuse. After that, yes, you’ll have to blame it on the pot smoking. How do you deal with it? Smoke more pot, I guess.
Zellmers last blog post..The terribles
September 7th, 2008 at 7:34 pm
I have no theories as I am married to Mr. Absent Minded and there is NOTHING that really accounts for it. When I talk to him, he hears nothing. When he puts stuff down, he instantly forgets where. He was never a pot smoker. Or pregnant. Sometimes these things just happen. The good news? If you didn’t used to be this way, I bet you’ll just wake up one day and be cured.
MommyTimes last blog post..Well, At Least They Tried
September 7th, 2008 at 8:39 pm
Wait. Are you my husband? Because you sound a lot like him, with the not knowing how to get places, the losing things and the “What? (wait until I’m halfway through repeating what I’ve said then interrupt) Oh, I put that with the thing and the deal.”
all things BDs last blog post..I Hate My New Friend
September 8th, 2008 at 1:52 am
Just because you don’t know how the brain works doesn’t mean you are not smart, it means you are uneducated. Besides neurologists don’t know a whole lot about the brain either. My brain theory* is that you can only shove so much information in and once you hit that point any new information causes old information to leak out. Your brain might have a defense mechanism that does not allow the new information to displace the old and you forget the new information.
*Disclaimer: I am a microbiologist, bacteria do not have brains so I know very little about neurology.
Karens last blog post..Guess that Gizmo 9-5-08
September 8th, 2008 at 11:00 am
I am mentally scattered to the winds. Have been for over a year.
I blame turning 40.
I do the “blah blah blah” thing when other people talk to. Makes work a real challenge most days.
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September 8th, 2008 at 4:40 pm
I’m going to go with number 3, simply because….wait sec, I forgot what I was going to say.
September 10th, 2008 at 9:48 am
I can’t find my fucking cell phone charger, not the one in the car but the one that plugs into the wall. And I just charged the damn thing like three days ago, and now it’s missing. How can that be? I wander around the house looking in all the same places over and over, as if I’m expecting it to magically appear where it wasn’t the last time I looked.
And also? For the past two weeks I have been entirely unable to remember our family’s schedule from day to day. My HUSBAND has had to keep me straight, which is a 180-degree role reversal.
I’m totally with ya… falling apart over here.
Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to go look for my phone charger!!
Megs last blog post..Once a PA girl, always a PA girl