HIM: I need to drop the Jeep off at the shop. Will you meet me there and pick me up?
ME: No.
HIM: Umm, YES?
ME: Well, okay. But I don’t know where the shop IS. You will have to give me EXPLICIT INSTRUCTIONS.
HIM: Oh, it’s easy. It’s just over there where we bought that thing that time.
ME: (blank stare)
HIM: You know, the THING. The thing for the thing.
ME: (baffled stare)
HIM: Don’t you remember? Come on! It was only four or five years ago!
ME: (confusion)
HIM: We had to replace the thing because the wire on the other thing broke. And I found a really good deal at that place, and you went with me to pick it up. To that place over there. The one across from the auto shop.
ME: (perplexity)
HIM: You know, that store on the corner, the one we’d never been to before.
ME: (beating head against wall)
HIM: The one with the big door?
ME: (head explodes)
HIM: Just follow me.
(End Scene.)
Stumble it!
September 29th, 2008 at 8:30 pm
Oh, Beej. Feeling for you, I really am. Substitute “Okay, now just furkle the grommet” (for every damn home improvement project we undertake) for “the store where we got the thing that one time” and that’s my world. Honestly, if we get the downstairs painted and crown-molded without getting divorced, it will be a miracle.
WaltzInExiles last blog post..Optimism
September 29th, 2008 at 8:33 pm
I propose we swap husbands.
Because I’ve done the exact same thing….except I was the one telling my husband “you know, that place by the place” and he was the one banging his head against the wall.
Although then I’d be all jealous of you and McDaddy….cause you two would always be all perfect and communication-gifted.
Hmph.
Now I kind of hate you and your gift for explicit direction giving.
September 29th, 2008 at 8:43 pm
Wait did you just listen in on a convo between me and my hubby??? Just wondering…
September 29th, 2008 at 8:43 pm
My husband is always making fun of me for doing what your husband did…general pronouns are a BIG part of my vocabulary!
Anastasias last blog post..To Bailout Or Not To Bailout
September 29th, 2008 at 8:48 pm
I don’t see what the problem is. I don’t even no what city you’re in, but I can pick your husband up if you want. I have to pick up a thing.
Captain Dumbasss last blog post..Daddy, What Happened To Your Blog?
September 29th, 2008 at 8:48 pm
And by ‘no’ I meant ‘know.’
Captain Dumbasss last blog post..Daddy, What Happened To Your Blog?
September 29th, 2008 at 9:07 pm
Its sad that my husband and I both are guilty of this. I don’t know how we communicate. I really don’t. Hope you got there okay to pick him up from the place by the place where you bought the one thing. (okay, whats sad, that made sense to me. LOL)
September 29th, 2008 at 10:05 pm
Oh, Captain! That would have been such great comment if you hadn’t effed up no vs know. Dammit. Sad thing – you probably could find Bejewell’s husband at the place by the place with your Mandar. I know my husband could.
Jen @ blissfully caffeinateds last blog post..It’s A Major Award!
September 29th, 2008 at 10:21 pm
Good God this sounds like too many conversations in our house…except add in a British accent for the hubby and it would almost be identical, well except for the fact that he speaks “English” (oh and don’t think for a minute that he doesn’t remind me of that fact every bloody day!) and I speak “American.”
Audss last blog post..Obama or McCain? Your Chance to Convince Me Which One Deserves My Vote
September 29th, 2008 at 10:35 pm
Oh thank god that other wives have no idea what their husbands are saying either. I was really starting to worry. Maybe he heard “implicit” instead of “explicit”? Do they make a pocket translator from Male to Female?
DQFSS!s last blog post..Hybrid Mom Cupcakes: a Recipe for Disaster
September 29th, 2008 at 10:39 pm
I listed my freakin’ name wrong.
FFS!
DQFFS!s last blog post..Hybrid Mom Cupcakes: a Recipe for Disaster
September 30th, 2008 at 12:32 am
Gah! This is EVERY CONVERSATION with not only my husband but my two boys, too! I just got the shakes!
foradifferentkindofgirl (FADKOG)s last blog post..hey, cherry. do you belong to the physics club?
September 30th, 2008 at 4:35 am
“The one with the big door.”
This actually made me laugh out loud… it sounds like directions that my mum gives me when I drive. We end up going round and round roundabouts until she decides what turning we need.
Razs last blog post..Open Goal
September 30th, 2008 at 7:11 am
That’s why I’m divorced.
September 30th, 2008 at 7:31 am
I guess you forgot to take that “Husband speak” class in college, huh?
Once you got there did it make any more sense?
Simply Shannons last blog post..It’s so easy!
September 30th, 2008 at 8:34 am
Heh. Heh. Ahehheh. Yeah.
That’s a nightly conversation in our house.
Alias Mothers last blog post..Done being done
September 30th, 2008 at 12:12 pm
I’m usually the one talking like this, but act all superior when my husband pulls the same thing. Because when I talk in code, he should totally know what I’m trying to say, but when HE talks like that, it’s maddening.
Mamaspheres last blog post..Drunk Blogging
September 30th, 2008 at 12:15 pm
ha! funny.
My “HIM” on the other hand would give such excruciatingly specific directions, making sure I understood (cause I’m a dumbass) how to find my way through the part of the route that I ALREADY KNOW, that I may decide not to pick him up after all.
Amy @ Milk Breath & Margaritass last blog post..Mom
September 30th, 2008 at 2:59 pm
I am pretty sure my husband might want to date you after I tell him about the girl from the thing that writes the whatchamacallit that usually makes me laugh. I so lack the specificity he so craves.
Just Bs last blog post..Living off the grid
September 30th, 2008 at 3:03 pm
Yeah, I’m pretty much like that to my husband, too.
So lately I have been being specific to a fault, just to be a smart ass. I don’t think he gets it, though. I think he’s just glad I’m getting specific after all these years.
~ms last blog post..One Year
September 30th, 2008 at 9:28 pm
YOU HAVE A JEEP!!!!!!!!!!
I drove a Jeep in college and I miss it so much.
Steal it sometime and let’s go for a ride.
Zellmers last blog post..Mad Men Monday
October 1st, 2008 at 6:48 am
Wait a second, you married my mother?! Only reason I know it isn’t her is that (besides the fact that she hasn’t had a sex change) she would have said thingy not thing. She gets so frustrated when I don’t know what thingy she is referring to!
Karens last blog post..The Adventures of Super Yeast: First Batch
October 1st, 2008 at 7:39 am
I’ve found that if you drink two mojitos and squint reallllly hard they start looking like they know what they’re talking about. Otherwise? You’re just screwed.
Anissa@Hope4Peytons last blog post..The new crack
October 2nd, 2008 at 2:58 am
I give directions with landmarks and my husband yells at me “just give me the street name and say left or right!”
Melanie @ MelADramatic Mommys last blog post..Breast Cancer Awareness: My Mammogram Vlog
October 2nd, 2008 at 11:34 pm
Totally sounds like the doctors here at work. “I need that form, that one we right stuff on about that one procedure. YOU KNOW!”
dysfunctional moms last blog post..Wordful Wednesday – Walking for Baby JW
October 17th, 2008 at 8:41 am
So, waaaaay late to this post because I’m totally behind in my blog reading, but eh. I’m still gonna comment anyways. And my oh-so-witty comment is? Your HIM could easily be ME. Because I have the unfortunate tendency to lose my words when I need them most, such as when I am giving directions. I suck. And I don’t give directions very often, because most people only ask me for them once. Woder why…
Zs last blog post..So now I’m a granny