Bejewell on October 2nd, 2008

… the big equipment vehicle passes you on your right.

You Know You’re A Social Media Whore When…

… you immediately update your FaceBook and MySpace profiles with “I’m in the wrong lane!  Big equipment vehicle just passed me on my right!” from your phone with one hand while still sitting in traffic.

You Know You’re a Hopeless Blog Addict with a Serious Problem When…

… you spend the rest of your commute thinking of ways you can squeeze an entire blog post out of the fact that the big equipment vehicle just passed you on your right.

You Know Your Blog Sucks When…

… you actually DO write a post about the fact that the big equipment vehicle passed you on your right, and you actually DO publish it because everything else in your drafts folder is just as ridiculous.

You Know Everyone Else Knows Your Blog Sucks When…

… the comments start coming in from people telling you how lame this post is.

You Know You Are Very Close to Killing Your Blog When…

… you see the “lame” comments and feel a sense of calm as you think to yourself… Well, at least they aren’t calling me “whiny” and “immature” like they did the last time.

You Know You Are Really Sick in the Head When…

… you are actually a little relieved at the realization that you’re killing your blog, because it means that the pressure’s off now and you can go back to watching three hours of TV every night instead of parking at your laptop and beating your head against a wall because you have ABSOLUTELY NOTHING OF INTEREST TO SAY.  Maybe now you can finally catch up on that show Mad Men that everyone keeps raving about that’s taking up 20 kazillion-bajillion hours on your Tivo.

You Know You’re Completely Fucked When…

… you start wondering how you can squeeze a blog post out of the fact that you’re hopelessly out of touch with everything cool, such as shows like Mad Men.

You Know You’re REALLY Completely Fucked When…

… you start planning your next blog post after THAT, which will discuss how stupid your post about Mad Men was, BEFORE YOU HAVE EVEN WRITTEN IT.

Sigh.

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31 Responses to “You Know You’re in the Wrong Lane When…”

  1. GAH!! You DON’T suck! I look forward to your posts because you always make me laugh, OUT LOUD, then my dog thinks I am crazier then her prozac and tranquilizer taking ass, then she offers me some and is all Geez lady get a effin grip, then I babble and start writing comments like this because I have NO IDEA what I will post after today. See you are FA!

    KD @ A Bit Squirrellys last blog post..Perspective Changes, One Year Ago Today

  2. Hahahah. It’s like writing a poem about how you can’t write poetry — except much funnier. At least whatever you’re doing is getting conversations started. I get all heart-felt and serious about helping the school kids and people run away in droves.

    MommyTimes last blog post..The Best Opportunity You May Ever Have to Spend Money Wisely

  3. You know? I have really wondered what would happen if I just took the drafts in my folder and published them into one big-ass post.

    Hmmm…actually…this gives me an idea…Dude, you are inspiring! Now, I may actually be able to post this week!

    Loralees last blog post..“And now for something COMPLETELY different…”

  4. This is what is was like when I was on hiatus! I kept thinking, “Oh, maybe I won’t go back. This is kind of relaxing.” And then I kept mentally writing blog posts about whether or not I should go back.

    It’s a disease, this is.

    Alias Mothers last blog post..I’m going to go spoon with Marvin*

  5. Oh for the love.

    If I may borrow your extended metaphor to make my own point…? You’re not in the wrong lane. You’re paying attention to the WRONG DRIVERS. Drive in the lane you want, to the tune of whatever random 80s band is on your ‘Pod. The words will come like they always do. Like they did here. It’s not lame. You’re just blocking yourself in.

    I’m out of traffic metaphors. Exile is too small for traffic. Take a line from one of my favorite 80s movies and “Fuck ‘em if they can’t take a joke,” I say.

    WaltzInExiles last blog post..Optimism

  6. Okay, but if you make someone else feel WAY BETTER about posting pictures of their kid in an effing laundromat, does that negate any lameness you might feel?

    Not that this post was lame, it was just that I could relate because my reasoning behind the washateria post was a lot like this, and oh dear God, why doesn’t anyone ever stop me before I start leaving comments like this?!?

    I loved your post. It’s not lame. Ritalin is lame. Which has nothing to do with your post, I just feel compelled to let people know I’m aware I’m ADD, and I DON’T CARE.

    Really. I’m stopping now. Srsly.

    Stephs last blog post..Felons can’t use guns, but we can use bullets.

  7. Yesterday I started to cross the interesection BEFORE the light turned green AFTER I had already been stopped at the red light like a normal law-abiding citizen for NO GOOD REASON other than I was thinking about just quitting my blog. Yep, my girls were in the car and all the other mini-driving freaks in my neck of the woods looked at me like I had LOST MY MIND, which of course I have.

    Then I got home from soccer practice (yes, sadly I am soccer mom) and people (you being one of them) had actually read my pathetic whining blog post. I was so (pathetically) happy.

    Just Bs last blog post..Preppy on the beach

  8. Dude.

    Totally.

    I’m serious.

    We’re like *this* in the head.

    Gettin’ what you’re layin’ down,
    Deb

    p.s. But don’t kill your blog. That would cause me great heartbreak and pain.
    p.p.s. You are not lame. I am lame. Whole different vibe.
    p.p.p.s. Did Jennifer Hudson get plastic surgery? I just saw an Oprah preview and I’m thinking so.

    San Diego Mommas last blog post..What’s Missing Today

  9. Alias Mother is right, this is a disease, one for which there is no cure and rehab is a joke.

    What’s worse…when you read a PFA post like this and can’t think of anything clever to say because potty training your 2.5 year old is sucking the life out of you. Oh hey, there’s something I can blog about…Or not.

    Audss last blog post..Unexpected Lessons Learned from My "Rule Breaking" Political Post

  10. Do you find that you start blogging everything in your head during the day? Please tell me yes. Please.

    Captain Dumbasss last blog post..An Endearing Tale Of Larceny

  11. Your blog is one of the reasons I’m off books lately, which is bad for me, someone who works at a bookstore. People ask me for recommendations for what to read, and I’m all, “Well, do you have access to the internet, because there’s these blogs I dig…”, and they’re all, “Um, we were thinking more along the lines of that Twilight series…”, and then I’m all, “Oh, hell no. You’re better off reading this one blog I dig…”

    Long story short, one day you’ll watch Mad Men. One day I’ll read books again. For now, I’ll nod my head at the passing thing and add that I once sat stopped at a green light and just pondered the clouds. People didn’t even honk. Just drove by me, staring at the crazy, non-book reading bookseller lady. It’s all good.

    foradifferentkindofgirl (FADKOG)s last blog post..what’s wrong with this picture?

  12. Wahahahaha! This post, about nothing, is HILARIOUS. Also, I hope I didn’t offend by claiming it was about nothing. I remember something about tractor equipment or large trucks. At least I think I saw that through my tears of laughter.

    jenboglass (steenky bee)s last blog post..The Spin Cycle: Time Trials…and Tribulations

  13. Girl, I wrote 3 blog posts in my head while doing the dishes. Who thought ANYONE would have that much to say about dirty dishes.

    Oh and I have a dishwasher.

    Yeah. My suckage outdoes your suckage woman.

  14. I have a feeling you’ll still be here tomorrow (thank God!)

    Melanie @ Mel, A Dramatic Mommys last blog post..Breast Cancer Awareness: My Mammogram Vlog

  15. LOL, I’m livin’ the life!

    WeaselMommas last blog post..Widgets, Midgets and Weasels

  16. I’m thinking the fact that you wrote this post (and we are all nodding our heads with a smirk on our faces) means you are FAR from sucking.

    You so get it . . . thanks for that.

    LaskiGals last blog post..Scents of Self

  17. but, see, you’d really be a loser if you persisted in the belief that you were letting your “readership” down if you didn’t even have any readers… but, see? there are comments! success!

  18. Really funny…I have only been “seriously” (whatever that means) blogging for 3 months now and already having many of the same thoughts. Facebook is blocked at my job now (probably because of me) and I can`t seem to get anything done because I`m updating or checking my e-mail, etc. for like the uptinth time. Like your blog though and if you decide to keep it I`ll be back :) dun,dun,dunnn

  19. i never knew how fucking funny you were- well at least past junior high!!! i tried to blog once…i only had one post. i sometimes think i’m funny but only in my head, and then i just can’t get it right. i blame it on having 2 kids- no more brain cells.

  20. not yet= but it is getting to the point where i’ve said to my kids ‘i’m working on my novel!’ and they’re like ‘yeah RIGHT mom’

    maggies last blog post..Magpie’s Nest

  21. I actually LOVED this post, and I laugh at the idea of people updating their Facebook status while driving. I’ve seen it happen more than once and it f’ing cracks me up (even though it’s not so funny when you’re driving behind this person).

    Please don’t quit blogging. But you really do need to watch Mad Men. Call in sick one day and catch up. No pressure!

    Zellmers last blog post..Passing the torch

  22. Am laughing…at you and at me. The part you forgot was the guilt at not returning emails to comments. And the freedom that would bring. Of course if you don’t email me back then I’ll know who you really love.

    goodncrazys last blog post..Stumble Upon. Part I

  23. Stop talking about me.

    I’m thinking of starting a new weekly carnival caled “Blog Outtakes” of all the stupid ideas that didn’t actually make it into the blog and pointless pictures. Who’s in?

    threeundertwos last blog post..Don’t vote

  24. You are so fucking funny it kills me. :)

    And don’t you DARE kill this blog. Ever.

    maggie, dammits last blog post..The Lifeboat

  25. Um…yeah… I’m pretty sure I just published a blog post in which I mentioned that I do pelvic floor exercises and pick my nose while stopped in traffic, so maybe it doesn’t mean much when I say your posts are never lame, but for what it’s worth, your posts are never lame.

    tinsenpups last blog post..Busy with Three Random Things

  26. What’s Mad Men? Is that a new reality show where they take a bunch of men and drop them off on a deserted island with two kids each and no wife to fall back on? Because hell yeah that would make a bunch of men mad.

    Heather, Queen of Shake Shakes last blog post..This is how we do crazy around here. Alternate Title: How many times can I ask what the hell?

  27. You really don’t suck.

    Plus, overtaking on the right is the CORRECT WAY. Shut up, British isn’t weird.

    Razs last blog post..When Lightning Strikes

  28. If it’s any consolation, this post ended up being fucking hilarious. (Don’t let the fact that I’m easily amused reduce your sense of pride.)

    Amy @ Milk Breath & Margaritass last blog post..Subscribing

  29. Oh, I’m so with ya. I wrote about the raw spots on the back of a girl’s heels, whom I followed up an escalator, and the minute I noticed the raw spots I immediately began composing my next blog post. It’s quite a thing, this blogging business!

  30. You are funny and crazy…

    I think about killing my blog almost every day and mine actually sucks.

    Anastasias last blog post..The Man With The Red Porsche

  31. Hello Guys,
    I want to buy my first car and I am not a driving enthusiast…..can you have any suggestion over it ?

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